If you’ve ever spent any amount of time with a toddler, then you know that they’re prone to having…I would call them “outbursts,” but “shitfits” has a much nicer ring to it, so let’s go with that. Toddlers have shitfits over just about everything. Food too cold? Shitfit. Shoes not the right color? Shitfit. You gave them exactly what they wanted the first time they asked? Shitfit.
Sometimes these little outbursts are understandable — not getting fed on time would make just about anyone cranky — and other times they leave us scratching our heads. Today’s Calling All Dorks story comes from Darlene, who writes at Baby Costs Money, and her toddler’s outburst definitely left her a bit bewildered.
Last night at bedtime, I was sitting on the bed with the ToddlerMonster and I mindlessly scratched my knee. I had cut myself shaving earlier that day, so when I scratched my knee, it started to bleed again. Not ideal.
The ToddlerMonster didn’t even realize I was (barely) bleeding, but she did brush her hand against my knee while climbing all over me trying to get comfortable with her books. She then brushed her hand against the white sheet and that’s when she noticed the BLOOD.
And she freaked out. She could not handle, I guess, that I was bleeding. She started screaming ‘NEED BANDAID NEED BANDAID!’ My teenage daughter ran into the room with a bandaid.
There wasn’t that much blood, by the way. But you could not tell that at all from the way the ToddlerMonster was screaming. You might have thought that I cut off my entire leg.
As soon as her sister came into the room with the bandaid, things got better for ToddlerMonster. She took the bandaid and very carefully pulled off the sticky bits.
And then she placed the bandaid very carefully on the sheet. The sheet, that had a bit of blood on it. The SHEET. WHAT.
Poor Mom! Leave it to a toddler to be more concerned about a sheet than her mom.
If you have a funny/dorky story that you’d like to see poorly illustrated, then send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. (Old posts are fair game.)