Force Sun Ray Attack

My husband and I went away this past weekend to celebrate our upcoming anniversary. The anniversary isn’t for a few more days, but we’ll be going on our family vacation right after our anniversary and didn’t want to do that much driving back to back. After much talk, we ended up going to Myrtle Beach, which is also where we’re going for our vacation — clearly we aren’t “variety is the spice of life” people.

One thing that you should know about me is that I’m pretty white. Casper looks like he’s been hitting up the tanning bed compared to me. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but trust me — the non-freckled over parts of my body definitely have a ghastly pallor. It probably goes without saying that I burn very easily. Sunscreen, cover-ups or t-shirts, and shade are absolute musts for me at the beach if I don’t want to be slathering bottle after bottle of aloe vera gel all over my body later. (The shade is also a must if I want to hang out on the beach for more than 15 minutes without feeling like I’m going to puke — I don’t do heat very well, which can be rough living in the South.)

You’d think that between the umbrella, cover-up, and dusting of sunscreen so thick that other people gagged when they passed by the fog, that I’d finish the beach day unscathed. But, much like my ovaries, the sun hates me and was determined to find a way to mark me.

See all that lovely shade? Not pictured is the sunscreen fog, which I made sure to apply routinely. Also not pictured is my husband with the darker skin that doesn’t burn (not that I’m jealous), because I’m lazy and didn’t want to draw two people.

Those preventative measures were no match for the sun.

Forget force lightning attacks — we now have force sun ray strikes.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way, and clearly the Evil Kool-Aid Man sun was dead set on getting at me.

Technically the burn is on the inside of my left leg (which is even more in the shade), but that wouldn’t show up so good on the drawing, so artistic license and all that.

First things first — that isn’t much of a burn. I’ll acknowledge that straightaway. It stung like hell in the hot tub, but that’s about it. So, as someone who has had severe sunburns in the past, I know that I made out pretty good on this beach trip. But that’s not really the point. The point is — look at it. That leg was under the umbrella and multiple coats of sunscreen. Yet the sun worked its mojo and gave me that odd burn that looks like I’d broken out into hives or something. This is what happens nearly every time I go to the beach — lots of skin safety measures taken and lots of funky, splotchy burns.

All the sun silliness aside, we had a wonderful and relaxing time. It was nice experiencing what the beach could be like without two kids who are determined to stuff sand in your mouth and complain about the salt in the ocean water nonstop. I’m mostly kidding — I know we’ll have a wonderful time with the kids next week — but it was nice to get a break.

Did y’all have a nice weekend? 

#WeekendCoffeeShare: GWL, Soccer, and Laziness


If we were having coffee, I’d fess up and tell you that I don’t really drink coffee. I’ve tried. Oh, how I’ve tried. You see, people who were/are a) English majors (now you’ll feel obligated to look for every typo/grammar error since I’ve mentioned that), b) teachers or c) parents are pretty much required to have a coffee dependency. And I don’t. I’ve tried to make myself like it, and found one thing that I could tolerate that was a step above hot chocolate with lots of creamer, but otherwise, I just can’t.

So, if we were having coffee, I’d tell you that what’s really in my cup is Coke or possibly sweet tea. Maybe even hot chocolate if I’m in the mood for a warm drink, which I don’t usually go for. You’ll probably look at me like I’m all weird (or maybe you’ll be one of those people who also dislikes coffee and raise your fist in a show of solidarity), but you’ll shrug it off since it’s not the weirdest thing about me and move on to asking where my sweets are.

Sadly, there are no sweets.

When we went to the Great Wolf Lodge this week, we only bought enough groceries to get us through Tuesday, and we haven’t been to the store since getting home. My refrigerator is bare, y’all. I have pickles, eggs, juice that none of us like but I don’t want to throw it out because it’d be wasteful, an old head of lettuce, an almost empty gallon of milk, and various condiments. So, if you want a wilty condiments salad, then I’m your girl, but otherwise, you might wanna bring some food.

Back to my week. First, the Great Wolf Lodge was fun. I didn’t show any skin that ddn’t need to be shown, we didn’t lose either of the kids, and we all had fun. I’ll toot my own horn for a second and tell you about getting the high score on the Flappy Bird game at the arcade and winning enough tickets to get Baby Girl a big Peppa Pig stuffie. I was again labeled “coolest mom ever” by Little Man, and since he’s rapidly approaching the tween years, I don’t hear that designation as much as I used to, so that was sweet.

The remainder of the week was spent doing as little as possible. We stayed home on Friday evening and I made a special St. Patrick’s Day breakfast for the kids with all the green food dye and sugar.


Saturday was spent at Little Man’s soccer game, doing some very light cleaning, and having a date night. (We went out, had dinner, and did some shopping for new bras that woudln’t impale me.) As for today — it looks like we’ll be having a lazy Sunday. We really, really need groceries, but I also don’t want to leave the comfort of my fleece pajama bottoms. I anticipate ordering a pizza, grabbing a few things from the Dollar General, and kicking back the rest of the day watching some basketball games. (Go Cocks and Shockers!)

Now that I’m finished going on and on, I’ll ask you to tell me about your week. Anything fun/interesting going on?

Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Nerd in the Brain.

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#ThingsKidsSay: Don’t Lose Your Top

My family and I went for an overnight stay at the Great Wolf Lodge located fairly close to where we live. If you’ve never been there, it’s an outdoorsy themed water park for kids. Most of the slides and pools and splash pads are indoors, but there are a few things outside, too, for when the weather is warmer.

I love being by the water, but I’m not as much of a fan of getting in. I can swim, but prefer hanging out by the pool or ocean most of the time for reasons. One of these reasons is that sometimes things happen when I’m in the water (whether it’s in the ocean or on a water slide), and these things cause me to have wardrobe malfunctions. It happens to everyone at some point, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had more than my fair share.

The last time I went to Great Wolf Lodge, I had a wardrobe malfunction while riding a slide with Little Man. After much begging, I got on the slide (I really dislike water slides now that I’m older), and then I proceeded to flip on the mat, take a hard hit to the head, and partially lose my bottoms and one of my boobs was well on her way to greeting the world when I got to the bottom. I righted myself, avoided eye contact with the people standing near, and stayed away from that area for the rest of our visit.

So, I have a rule now — no more water slides for me. I’ll gladly stand at the bottom and watch, but I ain’t getting on. Nope, not happening. And Little Man apparently forgot this rule yesterday when he begged me to ride a two-person water ride with him.

Channeling my inner Joey Tribbiani, I told him, “Mommy don’t ride water rides.” (I have no idea why I have to say it in Joey’s “Joey don’t share food” voice, but I do.)

Since the boy rarely takes no for an answer, he tried to change my mind. When I suggested that he find another kid to ride with, he tried to guilt me by suggesting that he could be kidnapped.

I realize after uploading this image that I gave myself a thigh gap, which I don’t have IRL, at all.

I told him I’d take that chance. He cackled and said he’d wait for his dad.

So, are y’all water slide riders? Or do you avoid them because of wardrobe malfunctions, too?

Want to connect on social media? You can find links to my accounts at the top of the menu bar on my page, or go here for Facebook and look up Instagram and Twitter with @dorkymomdoodles.