#AtoZChallenge: Z is for Zzz

There are lots of ways to get on a toddler’s shit list. Nag her about eating her vegetables, make her hold your hand while walking in the parking lot, and tell her that you are washing her face (no matter how much she kicks and screams) are some good ways to get on the list. Wanna know the best way — the way that will make her look at you like she’s ready to hire a goon to chop off your thumbs? Tell her that it’s time to go to sleep.

Baby Girl has a black belt in fighting sleep. She’ll talk like she’s hyped up on coffee and just ramble, flap her arms like she’s trying to take flight, and even slap herself, all in the sake of staying alert. Other times she’ll try to Jedi mind trick me and tell me, “Mommy, I get up…I get up…” over and over while nodding. Lil’ Obi-Wan Kenobi, she is.

Sometimes this stuff is a bit frustrating (or worrisome, in the case of the slapping), other times it’s all I can do to keep from snickering.

Anytime something isn’t working, then she thinks the batteries have died. Time for the sun to get some a few new AAAs.

Child, you’re talking, crying, and squirming…pretty sure you’re awake.

So I’ve gathered.

Just to be clear, Baby Girl isn’t the only one who dislikes going to sleep — Little Man usually isn’t a fan, either. There are books to read, toys to play with, and video games to play, so who needs sleep? Not him. We’ve caught him reading under the covers many times using either a flashlight or a light saber (and it’s hard for me to get too bothered by that), and we’ve caught him playing a game on his tablet once (he slipped up and sent us a message requesting troops for his game — rookie mistake).

When he was four, Little Man tried to get out of taking naps in a way that I thought was pretty clever.

Well played, kid.

Do your kids hate naptime/bedtime, too?

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#AtoZChallenge: Q is for Quiet…Not

There are three things a mom wants: rum, Netflix, and peace and quiet. (There might be an “and” in that last one, but we’re still counting it as one item.) Okay, so maybe other moms don’t all want to be couch potato boozers, but they at least want the last thing sometimes, and if there’s one thing you can count on in life besides taxes, it’s kids not being quiet.

Answering an important phone call from your doctor’s office? It’s gonna sound like you’re at a rager from all the background noise. Trying to send an email — or write a blog post — and need to focus so you don’t come across like you’re drunk typing? Obviously this is the time the kids will decide to work on their banshee wailing. Or maybe you want to catch up just a little on all the sleep you’ve lost over the past nine-plus years? They try to set a new record for decibel level.

The one with the monitor is Baby Girl’s version of The Feeney Call.

“Q” is definitely not for “quiet” when it comes to rousing Mommy.

Thanks to Welcome to the Nursery for the inspiration for this doodle!

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It’s Light Outside!

There are a lot of adjectives you can use to describe kids — some nice and some not so nice, especially when they’re having shit fits over bathing — and one of those adjectives is “inconsistent.” Some days Baby Girl loves oatmeal. Other days she closes her eyes (because not seeing it means it can’t go in her mouth, I guess) and rejects it, saying “I not like it, Mommy!” Some days (well, most days) she acts like hair clips are the scourge of the earth. Other days, namely when I can’t find any, they’re declared to be her favorite thing and must be worn immediately, or face her wrath.

Little Man is known for having some inconsistencies, too. His big one is his sleep schedule. During the week, when he goes to bed earlier, it’s a pain in the butt to drag him out of bed on school mornings. He acts like we’re torturing him, tells people (such as the doctor once) that he never sleeps, and moves at a snail’s pace because he just can’t eat, get dressed, brush his teeth. (It’s so bad that when we lived next to his old elementary school, he still got too many tardies and had to do recovery time. And at his current school, which is 20 minutes away, I’m pretty sure he has set a record for tardies. We’re those parents.)

Most people hate getting up in the mornings. Especially me. Sleep and I are not besties, thanks to a combination of insomnia and other things, so I get it. Having to get up early and having to get ready to go somewhere seem to amplify the tired factor, so, again, I get it.

But here’s the kicker — and I think a lot of parents probably feel my pain on this one — while the need to sleep in is real during the school week (the school week in which the kiddo goes to bed two hours earlier on average), he wakes up at the crack of dawn most of the time on weekends and is ready to go. 

Why? Why?! I know kids (and pretty much everyone) get excited about the weekend, but for crying out loud, rest up. Especially if you’re someone who complains that you never get enough sleep during the week — don’t sleep less, get up earlier, and act like the perkiest person in the world. That’s just craziness.

Do y’all deal with the “I can’t possibly move during school week, but here I am, bright eyed and bushy tailed on the weekends” thing?

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