#AtoZChallenge: H is for Hulk DNA

Like a lot of kids, Little Man has a love-hate relationship with school. He usually enjoys going — and often comes home excited about the things he got to do — but is less than thrilled with other parts. Namely having to get up in the mornings, staying for seven hours, and going for five days per week. (Half days two or three days per week is what he thinks would be suitable.) Oh, and the homework — he hates that, too. He considers it a form of medieval torture, and in kindergarten — when he’d come home with an hour’s worth of homework that required cutting, pasting, and coloring — I didn’t disagree.

During a complaint session back in first grade, Little Man gave us some interesting reasons for why he shouldn’t have to do the school thing.

You can’t say that the kid doesn’t have his priorities in order — Hulk DNA should definitely trump working on handwriting.

What are some excuses your kids (or you as a kid) came up with to try to get out of school?

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It’s Light Outside!

There are a lot of adjectives you can use to describe kids — some nice and some not so nice, especially when they’re having shit fits over bathing — and one of those adjectives is “inconsistent.” Some days Baby Girl loves oatmeal. Other days she closes her eyes (because not seeing it means it can’t go in her mouth, I guess) and rejects it, saying “I not like it, Mommy!” Some days (well, most days) she acts like hair clips are the scourge of the earth. Other days, namely when I can’t find any, they’re declared to be her favorite thing and must be worn immediately, or face her wrath.

Little Man is known for having some inconsistencies, too. His big one is his sleep schedule. During the week, when he goes to bed earlier, it’s a pain in the butt to drag him out of bed on school mornings. He acts like we’re torturing him, tells people (such as the doctor once) that he never sleeps, and moves at a snail’s pace because he just can’t eat, get dressed, brush his teeth. (It’s so bad that when we lived next to his old elementary school, he still got too many tardies and had to do recovery time. And at his current school, which is 20 minutes away, I’m pretty sure he has set a record for tardies. We’re those parents.)

Most people hate getting up in the mornings. Especially me. Sleep and I are not besties, thanks to a combination of insomnia and other things, so I get it. Having to get up early and having to get ready to go somewhere seem to amplify the tired factor, so, again, I get it.

But here’s the kicker — and I think a lot of parents probably feel my pain on this one — while the need to sleep in is real during the school week (the school week in which the kiddo goes to bed two hours earlier on average), he wakes up at the crack of dawn most of the time on weekends and is ready to go. 

Why? Why?! I know kids (and pretty much everyone) get excited about the weekend, but for crying out loud, rest up. Especially if you’re someone who complains that you never get enough sleep during the week — don’t sleep less, get up earlier, and act like the perkiest person in the world. That’s just craziness.

Do y’all deal with the “I can’t possibly move during school week, but here I am, bright eyed and bushy tailed on the weekends” thing?

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IRS v. PTO

Would you rather deal with the IRS or with the PTO?

Hmm?

You probably had to take a second to think about that. Answering questions related to purchases made years ago, deductions made, and other boring nonsense sounds pretty bad. But then you realize that the PTO acts both as a mafia of sorts and treats you like you’re a lower tier drug dealer, and you might start to realize that the IRS isn’t the worst thing in the world.

“Get out there with these packs of way overpriced M&Ms and don’t come back until they’re gone.”

“Little Peter can only sell 10 tins of popcorn? Get his butt back out in front of the Walmart ’til they’re gone.”

“Each child was supposed to raise $300 for this fundraiser. Your child raised $298.12. You think that’s acceptable? Hit. The. Streets. Find that money or else!”

Or something like that.

 

Any good, over-the-top PTO stories to share? 

Angels vs. Demons

When I went for a conference with Little Man’s teacher a while back, I noticed that a list of chores on the wall. There were different tasks, like emptying the waste bin, stacking chairs, collecting papers, etc. And each task had a picture of a student velcroed next to it.

“So, Little Man, you do one of the chores on this list every day?” I asked him.

“Yep! Our teacher lets us do chores every day. ” (Yes, he said that she “lets” them do chores.)

Since he sounded enthusiastic (and he never sounds enthusiastic about work), I figured there must have been some type of reward involved, so I asked if they were getting paid anything — maybe classroom currency that could be redeemed for pencils or something.

“No. This is our classroom and we all have a job to do.”

That sounds mature and responsible, right? Well, I’ve said the same thing about our home, how the family has to work together to keep it nice, but he wasn’t quite as enthusiastic over taking care of our shared space. Go figure.

It’s funny that their attitudes can vary so much depending on where the chore was assigned. Chores at school? Special privileges. Chores at home? Modern day torture technique to be avoided at all costs.