Parenting Advice Series #2: Don’t Screw Up Netflix

Three months ago, I wrote one of my most popular posts — Parenting Advice Series: Freaking Socks. In my decade of parenting, I’ve learned a thing or two, and the most important nugget of wisdom I had to pass on was not to buy your kids cute socks, because they’ll never have anything that matches. You guys were blown away by my insight, and some of you even said that I’m the Bill Gates of the parenting world.

(That is possibly a lie.)

I promised that I’d impart more parenting wisdom, but then I struggled to think of more advice and focused on other things. As I was looking for something to watch on Netflix the other day, I had a thought, and now we have Parenting Advice Series post #2.

Netflix is important. So important, in fact, that it belongs at the bottom of the pyramid of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. You need food, you need shelter, and you need Netflix. And it’s especially important when you become a parent. Fish need water to survive, and parents need Netflix.

Need 30 minutes to cook dinner and your kid isn’t into the arts/blocks/whatever stuff you’ve been doing all day? Then Netflix.

Everyone is sick and you’re going stir crazy? Then Netflix.

You have to rock your infant all night long to keep her asleep — because the moment you lie her down, she wakes up and screams — and you can’t sleep sitting up and need something to help you pass the time? Then Netflix.

(Yeah the last one happened.)

(And, yeah, I’m pretending like this is a perfect world where all of us parents are like “No screen before 120 months old” and limit screens.)

So, yeah, Netflix is importance.

The bad thing about Netflix is that you can really screw it up if you aren’t careful. One of the top rookie mistakes parents make is not creating a profile for their kids on their account. Watch a children’s show on your Netflix profile even once, and this happens:

Oh, no! The recommendation list that was tailored to my personal preferences, because Netflix knows me, has been screwed up.

That’s annoying, but not life-shattering. Here’s what happens when you watch more than one children’s show on Netflix:

Every. Single. Recommendation.

You’ve now entered the eighth circle of parenting hell — the Netflix takeover. From here on out, you’ll have to endure awful kids show after awful kids show, or you’ll have to do the impossible — utilize Netflix’s search function and enter the specific show you’re looking for.

Humans aren’t wired for using Netflix’s search function. It takes too much effort. We want to scroll or click through, dammit.

All right new parents and parents-to-be — as soon as you know you’re expecting or that baby’s head pops out of the birth canal, get that Netflix profile made for him. Don’t let the Netflix takeover happen.

And parents who screwed up like I did and let their Netflix account be taken over — take a hammer to your TV. Or, ya know, delete your old profile and create a new one and watch all the episodes of Parks and Rec, The Office, and Friends you want. (Because we all know that’s what Netflix for adults is really for, anyway — paying the low price of $10 per month to watch the same three or four TV shows.)

Do you feel enlightened now? No? I’ll take mildly amused, then.

What’s some parenting advice you’d like to see me write about? 


If your New Year, New You thing was to read more, then check out my book Don’t Lick That! on Amazon. You can download it for the low price of $2.99. If you’ve already read it and enjoyed it, please take a moment to leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads.

I’m planning another book for this year, and this time, I don’t want to tell just my stories. I want yours. More to come on that later.

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#AtoZChallenge: D is for Dark Knight

Some toddler girls love Princess Sophia. Others love Doc McStuffins. Others — namely the ones whose moms have to Google characters that toddler girls are into — love Batman. And Superman. And all things Star Wars. (Sigh, and as of the last couple months or so, Peppa Pig.) But mainly Batman.

So, yeah, Baby Girl loves her some Dark Knight. Her love is so intense that some might even say that Baby Girl has a minor obsession with him. Others might say that there’d be a restraining order against her if Batman actually existed.

Climbing in the windows, snatching ya’ people up.

I can’t remember exactly when the lovefest started, but it was sometime between her first and second birthday. Her brother has a couple of Batman play sets, and she loves playing with the toys alongside Little Man. Baby Girl went through a phase where she refused to wear anything but her Batman t-shirts, wanted to wear the Batman pajamas every night, and had to carry her Batman stuffie everywhere. She had a Batman themed party for her birthday last year, too.

With the theme for this post in mind, I was scrolling through old Facebook and blog posts looking for some material for today and came across a few cute things.

The first one shows her getting her teeth brushed while wearing a Batman mask. She hates getting her teeth brushed. It’s one of those things that always ends up in a meltdown of epic proportions, no matter what we do. But then one night we put a Batman mask on her to so we could show her that superheroes brush their teeth, too.

It worked. For one night, we had an adorable Batman toddler getting her teeth brushed in our bathroom. For one night, because I don’t know where that particular mask is anymore.

The second shows Baby Girl not showing me any love on my birthday. Sigh. I know that Batman’s fond of making everything about him, but on my birthday, too? C’mon, man.

The third one shows how Baby Girl introduced herself a few times. Loads of cuteness if you witness it in person.

The fourth doodle shows that Baby Girl has some real game when it comes to getting sweets from her daddy. Rather than ask for an ice cream cone herself (and likely be denied), she asked for one for Batman. And she got it. She claimed that they were sharing it, but I do have my doubts.

So…Team Batman or Team Superman? 

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