#AtoZChallenge: ‘H’ is for Hanson Wallpaper

If you’re new to this blog, then you’re probably thinking, “WTH, Hanson? Those MMMBop kids?” right now. If you’re a regular here, however, then you’re probably (and rightfully) thinking, “Them again? Crazy stalker person.”

My theme for the challenge is Blast to the Past, and considering that I’ve been a fan of those guys since I was 13, it was inevitable for them to show up here. I’m not here to convert anyone into a Fanson in this post, though. After 20 years of trying, I’ve finally realized that most people don’t have good taste respond to my Jehovah’s Witness like tactics. Instead, we’re going back to 1997-1998 at the peak of my Hanson obsession to take a look at what guaranteed that interior decorating would never be career option for me.

Back when I was an awkward teenager (which really isn’t that different from being an awkward 34-year-old), I loved getting magazines like Tiger Beat and Bop. They had all the stories and pictures of the cute musicians and actors that any tween/teen girl could stand. (Hello, JTT, Rider Strong, Will Friedle…Brad Pitt was in there, too, but I didn’t get what was so great about him until 2005.)

When Hanson blew up, they had centerfolds and pin-ups in these magazines regularly for at least a year. And my grandmother bought me pretty much every one. I’d always promise not to ask for a magazine before we went grocery shopping, but I’d still make my way to the aisle with the magazines. After I picked one out, I’d carry it around, looking longingly at it as we walked down aisle after aisle, and she’d eventually say, “Go ahead and put it in the cart.” Her enabling my addiction obsession meant dozens and dozens of pin-ups, centerfolds, and full posters of Hanson. From the title of this post, you can probably guess what I did with them — I hung up every single one.

Just to keep the doodling easier, I drew it like this. FTR, all four walls had photos that were probably not more than a millimeter apart, making legit wallpaper.

So much cringe happening there with the Hanson wallpaper. I would often remove all of the pictures and reorganize them by size or guy or whatever. And this is where a slight problem came in. Want to guess how I hung all of those pictures? With thumbtacks. Tape would be too damaging to those valuable pictures and wouldn’t hold up well when I rearranged everything, so I used 2-4 thumbtacks to hang each picture.

Let’s just say that the walls didn’t look so great after I took down the photos…

My dad discovered that his drywall had been screwed up one day when he came in and saw me redecorating and saw that hundreds upon hundreds of tiny holes had been poked in his walls.

He was not impressed with my cleverness at preserving the integrity of my posters.

This was one of those situations where what I did was so bad that my dad was so mad that he didn’t even flip out. He told me that he had the right mind to make me spackle every single hole and left, muttering under his breath. When he put the house up for rent a couple years ago, I half expected for him to tell me to get my butt over there and spackle the walls, but he didn’t. (And to my brother — if you read this and do buy the house, I’m not spackling those walls for you.)

For the record, I presently have no pictures of Hanson hanging on my walls — just a few autographed guitar picks in a frame. (I do have a Lord of the Rings poster and a Wonder Woman poster, though, because clearly I have no intentions of being an adult anytime soon.) After a year or two of being obsessed, I threw out all of the Hanson pictures. Some years later I tossed the Hanson scrapbook. And a couple years after that, I stuck my Hanson t-shirts in a storage bin. (No, I wasn’t one of the cool kids in high school, in case you’re wondering.) Now I’m just obsessed without a bunch of embarrassing pictures.

So, which famous person/people were you totally crushing on in middle or high school?

Thanks for joining me for the April A to Z Challenge! If you’re participating, please leave a link in the comments section so I can check out your post. If you’ve got a cringier story than my Hanson wallpaper, by all means, share it below.

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