#ThingsKidsSay: Don’t Lose Your Top

My family and I went for an overnight stay at the Great Wolf Lodge located fairly close to where we live. If you’ve never been there, it’s an outdoorsy themed water park for kids. Most of the slides and pools and splash pads are indoors, but there are a few things outside, too, for when the weather is warmer.

I love being by the water, but I’m not as much of a fan of getting in. I can swim, but prefer hanging out by the pool or ocean most of the time for reasons. One of these reasons is that sometimes things happen when I’m in the water (whether it’s in the ocean or on a water slide), and these things cause me to have wardrobe malfunctions. It happens to everyone at some point, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had more than my fair share.

The last time I went to Great Wolf Lodge, I had a wardrobe malfunction while riding a slide with Little Man. After much begging, I got on the slide (I really dislike water slides now that I’m older), and then I proceeded to flip on the mat, take a hard hit to the head, and partially lose my bottoms and one of my boobs was well on her way to greeting the world when I got to the bottom. I righted myself, avoided eye contact with the people standing near, and stayed away from that area for the rest of our visit.

So, I have a rule now — no more water slides for me. I’ll gladly stand at the bottom and watch, but I ain’t getting on. Nope, not happening. And Little Man apparently forgot this rule yesterday when he begged me to ride a two-person water ride with him.

Channeling my inner Joey Tribbiani, I told him, “Mommy don’t ride water rides.” (I have no idea why I have to say it in Joey’s “Joey don’t share food” voice, but I do.)

Since the boy rarely takes no for an answer, he tried to change my mind. When I suggested that he find another kid to ride with, he tried to guilt me by suggesting that he could be kidnapped.

I realize after uploading this image that I gave myself a thigh gap, which I don’t have IRL, at all.

I told him I’d take that chance. He cackled and said he’d wait for his dad.

So, are y’all water slide riders? Or do you avoid them because of wardrobe malfunctions, too?

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