Quarantine Homeschooling

I kinda feel like that old lady from Titanic right now.

“It has been 84 years…”

We are in our third year of quarantine homeschooling. And by “year,” I mean “week,” because time passes differently now. You know how they say dogs age seven years for every human year? Well, the same is true for quarantine homeschooling parents.

(I suppose now is a good time to say I’m grateful for a home, my husband’s job, health, etc. before anyone says, “Hey, count your blessings.” I’m grateful, I promise!)

Before the boy started kindergarten many years ago, I considered homeschooling him. We did a lot of work at home, so building on that with the flexibility homeschooling offered seemed like a good idea. After much discussion, we went with public school, as LM was super excited about going and making friends. (He is now a total homebody and hasn’t complained the first time about not getting to go out and see people. Go figure.)

And along came Baby Girl. Homeschooling wasn’t on the table with her as much.

For the record, I’ve taught the child plenty (she started kindergarten reading), but it’s like pulling teeth at times. She often doesn’t like to cooperate and acts clueless about things I know she knows.

So, blonde Baby Girl is back. I couldn’t part with the old doodle for her.

Sigh.

It has been like this ever since I tried to teach her the ABCs and how to count to 10 as a toddler. As far as I can tell, she has done much better for her preschool and kindergarten teachers than she does for me, at least, which is true for a lot of kids.

And now we’re quarantine homeschooling. I have to admit — the reason for the homeschooling aside — I was rather excited at first. The adjustment to full-day kindergarten has been tough at times, so getting so much extra time together and getting to test the homeschool waters was exciting. (And now I know that it doesn’t really replicate the actual homeschool experience since we can’t go anywhere or be around anyone!) Same with LM, who started middle school this year.

The excitement turned to feeling drained pretty darn fast, but it has been…interesting. For example, I’m not always homeschooling a little girl and tween. Sometimes I’m homeschooling a lion and a tween. When the girl isn’t pretending to have forgotten everything she knows, she likes to get in touch with her inner animal. She is obsessed with animals, especially African savanna animals, and lions and other big cats are a favorite. BG loves pretending to be a lion, which sent her to the ER in January because she fell off the bed and busted her head open while pouncing. This is how our homeschool work goes sometimes:

It’s like Max from “Where the Wild Things Are” in real life. And sometimes I get to homeschool a hyena, an animal Baby Girl thinks is the cutest ever. (This child had me make her a hyena mask for their Father-Daughter Masquerade dance!)

Little Man doesn’t get in touch with his inner animal, but he is rather like a little zombie. Just replace “eating brains” with “eating everything in our pantry,” because the child does not get full. He has been in growth-spurt stage for a long time!

Another interesting aspect of quarantine homeschooling has been Zoom. I had never heard of this app before two weeks ago, but a lot of teachers are using it to do virtual lessons. It’s kind of like FaceTime, but with a bunch of people.

That hasn’t actually happened with Zoom, but it has happened with FaceTime plenty of times. With FaceTime, the kids do not sit still and talk to their grandparents or whoever else calls, but instead run all over the house, giving everyone a peak at our messes and bralessness. Well, my bralessness. For Zoom, I’ve avoided that so far by plugging in my laptop at the end of the kitchen table in front of a shelf, which I dusted part of. (Not the whole shelf, just the part in view of the camera.) I love that the kids have the opportunity to connect with their classmates, and some of the kids’ comments are hilarious. Hopefully we can avoid the TMZ type exposé.

Touching on LM a little more, no surprise here, but he hasn’t really been into the homeschool aspect of quarantine homeschooling. (He loves the isolation, though.)

It’s hard to say “no” to that.

Our schools are shut down through the end of April (and we’ll see from there), so we’ll have plenty of time to get the hang of this thing, and maybe I’ll even tame my little lion cub.

What’s going on in your world?


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Apocalypse To-Do List

Head’s up before reading — this is in no way meant to minimize the hardships people are facing right now. As I mentioned in my first post back, humor is my way of dealing with trying situations. Continue on if you wish.

When rumors of schools closing and activities being called off ramped up last week, I saw a few folks mention looking for the bright side in the situation. “You’ll get to spend more time with you family and have a chance to catch up on projects on your to-do lists.” I’ll take any silver lining I can get, so I got out my notepad and jotted down some I wanted to get done since it seemed inevitable that a shutdown of some sort would occur. Since I’m a procrastinator and have neglected other to-do lists, I was able to come up with a lot of ideas, something that didn’t thrill my husband, since many items involved him. (I think it kills a tiny part of his soul every time he sees one of my lists.)

I’ve got my lists done now — yes, lists plural. There is a list for things I need to do, things I want to do, and things I should’ve done a long time ago. Aside from doodling for this blog, cleaning out the laundry room (ideally, only the washer, dryer, and things necessary to wash clothes would be in there, but instead it’s like a junk drawer…a 5′ by 10′ junk drawer), and keeping up with cleaning and the kids’ homeschool work, that’s all I have accomplished this week. The kids are out of school for at least one more week (I’d be very surprised if they go back April 1, though), so I have more time to not accomplish things.

On to the doodles.

Here are some sort of serious and sort of jokey to-do list items:

For the purposes of this post, I am now left-handed.

I have never shied away from talking about my boobs before, and I don’t plan to now. So, I haven’t left the house since last Friday, and I haven’t worn a bra since then, either. We needed a couple of things from Home Depot today, and my husband offered to let me go since I haven’t gone anywhere, but I wanted to see how long I can stay on this bra-free kick, so I declined.

Let’s see how well I think I’ll do with that to-do list…

Netflix, my old friend! Can’t blame anyone for starting off with a little bingewatching, right?

And who says a bingewatch can’t last for a week and a half?

Yeah, maybe that much TV isn’t healthy.

Going bra-less is contaminating my food. Send help. The shutdown doesn’t look very good on me.

Have a good and safe weekend.

What’s on your shutdown to-do list?

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It’s Comeback Time — Parenting Music

One of my mottoes is to “find the funny.” No matter what life throws my way, I feel like if I can find the humor in a given situation, then I can deal with it better. From what I can see on Facebook and Instagram, I think a lot of y’all feel that way, too. Take the coronavirus (or COVID-19, if you’re fancy). It’s awful, no doubt, but a lot of the memes that have resulted have lightened the mood in some moments. And we need that right now.

A fellow blog friend wrote a post mentioning upping her post count because the world needs more humor in it with all that’s going on. And that struck a chord. I had been thinking about making a new post on this blog for a while now (and I’ll get into the details of where we’ve been and what we’ve been doing in a new post), and her words made me realize that I should stop thinking about it and just do it.

(No, Nike isn’t giving me anything for saying that. And also, Nike, please don’t sue me for saying it, because that would suck.)

There might not be much I can do for folks, but I can put a little humor out there again. Or try to anyway, at least while we’re cooped up.

For my first post back, I’m reposting. I know that seems like cheating, because here I am talking about putting more humor into the world, yet I’m recycling something. Get out the pitchforks! 😉 I absolutely plan to post some new content in the next day or two, but part of my plan is to also include a couple of reposts per week. Some of these posts will be two or three years old, so that’s probably enough time for them not to be too fresh. (Unless you’re my daughter, who remembers every word anyone said ever.)

Here is one of the top posts on my blogs, which was posted in July 2020 2018, Parenting Music. (My husband read this and congratulated me on posting in the future. I was confused, and he pointed out that I said I originally made the post in 2020 instead of 2018. Oops.)


I know what y’all are thinking — “Not another post about Daddy Finger!” No worries. When I wrote that title, I absolutely was not referring to the crappy songs that we parents have to listen to. Not even a little.

Instead, I’m thinking more along the lines of “Songs I’ve heard before that I never thought could relate to parenting, but actually do.”

And that is a mouthful for a title, so I went with Parenting Music.

There are a lot of songs that take on more of a deeper meaning when you have kids. Some of those are sappy, and we don’t do sappy on this blog (well, at least not today), so I’m focusing on the songs parents can relate to in more of a “This totally sums up parenting” way.

NO DOUBT – DON’T SPEAK

When certain individuals have talked for 20 minutes straight about Minecraft and I feel like my head is going to explode, this song applies. When other individuals have talked nonstop about which character from The Incredibles or Peppa Pig they want to be, or like the best, or want for Christmas or…you get the idea…this song applies. And when other individuals talk nonstop about Microsoft Excel and spreadsheets and Pivot tables, this song applies. Oops, the last one goes to my husband and not the kids, but still — DON’T SPEAK!

Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
So please stop explaining
Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

It really does hurt. My head. It hurts my head.

DMX – PARTY UP

This should be every parent’s anthem. It’s perfect for any situation where the kids are acting like little heathens and you want to express how they’re making you feel without letting loose a string of cuss words.

A little side story to this one — before a few months ago, I didn’t know who sang the Y’all Gonna Make Me Lose My Mind song (as I called it) or any of the lyrics beyond the chorus. At any rate, I knew the chorus for some reason, which I sang whenever the kids did something that made me want to drop four-letter words.

Little Man took a liking to that song, and I’m pretty sure he intentionally pushed my buttons at times to get me to sing it. Anyway, one day he asked about the song, and I told him that I didn’t know all of it and offered to look it up on YouTube for him. I typed in “Y’all gonna make me lose my mind” on YouTube, clicked an official looking video, and went back to whatever I was doing when my husband came in and about had a cow when he realized what LM was listening to.

For the record, the lyrics sound completely garbled to my crappy ears.

Well, no, of course not, but based on those few lines in the chorus, how bad could it be?

He told me to pull up the lyrics. I did. Yikes.

STING – I’LL BE WATCHING YOU

Y’all know how it is with kids. They are constantly eagle eyeing you, especially when you’re trying to sneak a cookie after you’ve told them no more junk, or are trying to check your texts after you’ve declared screens banned for the rest of the day. It doesn’t stop there with my kids, though. They’re straight up little stalkers. It doesn’t matter whether I’m on the toilet, asleep, or brushing my teeth, someone is usually there watching me.

It gets straight up creepy at times.

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every poop you take
Every curse you make
I’ll be watching you

No, I’ll Be Watching You didn’t need a rewrite at all to be declared a parenting song, but I tweaked it anyway.

MC HAMMER – U CAN’T TOUCH THIS

What is it with kids touching everything? Even older kids can’t keep their hands off shit. Stop touching my phone, my snacks, and my toys.

Stop grabbing my tampons, my shampoo, and my pens. For the love of God, not the pens! I am very particular about the kind of ink pens I use (I prefer the Zebra stainless steel fine point pens or the Pilot Precise V5 pens), and they are always putting their grubby little fingers on them, which means they get lost. Don’t touch this!

Maybe if I adopted some of MC Hammer’s dance moves and sang out “You can’t touch this!” they’d be more inclined to stop. At least the older one would out of embarrassment, I hope.

DESTINY’S CHILD – SAY MY NAME

They say “the” is the most commonly used word in the English language. All parents know this isn’t the case when it comes to kids, though. Some variation of “Mom” or “Dad” is used at least ten times as much as “the,” and while it is often said in a way that can make your heart melt, it can also be said in a way that makes you die a little inside.

Say my name, say my name
The kids are always around you
Saying “Mama I need you”
Won’t you play another game
Say my name, say my name

Don’t say my name! Especially when you do it in a Feeny Call sort of way!

BONUS: BACKSTREET BOYS – I WANT IT THAT WAY

I don’t know which is worse, this song or the kids demanding to have everything Burger King style, but either way, the song is relevant.

The ultimate parenting version of the song:

Tell me why
Ain’t nothin’ but a headache
Tell me why
Ain’t nothin’ but a migraine
Tell me why
I never want to hear you say
I want it that way


A) What’s new in your world?

B) What song would you dub a parenting song after having kids? 

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