Little Man has gotten into Yo Mama jokes lately. Much like when he discovered knock-knock jokes a few years ago, he tells these frequently. Some of them are cringey and others are downright hilarious.
He included the above jokes in a Cootie Catcher, by the way. Well, he calls it a Fortune Teller, but as a child of the 90s, I refuse to call it by anything else.
I had an ultimate parent fail a few weeks ago when LM asked me to tell him some Yo Mama jokes. I rattled off a few and told him I’d look some up to email him later. Later that night, after LM went to bed, I did a Google search for kid-friendly Yo Mama jokes, read the first couple of jokes, copied and pasted the page, and then sent the email.
I never closed out the tab that the jokes were on, so after I worked a little, did some reading, etc., I went back to the tab to glance through the jokes, and let me tell you, not all of them were kid-friendly by any stretch of the imagination.
Here are a few of the jokes that would’ve resulted in a total shitfest had Little Man opened the email. (And I don’t even want to think about what would’ve happened had he opened that email at school.)
Sweet baby Jesus.
After having a minor heart attack, I collected myself enough to realize that a) I have access to Little Man’s account since I’m the one who set it up, b) he’s in bed, c) he’ll never know if I delete it right the fuck now.
So I did. Whew. I also remembered to empty his trash, being the savvy mom that I am. And then I found another page of jokes that was marked as being kid-friendly, read through them, and then emailed them along. Some time later, I went back to the vulgar jokes and read them all to my husband while laughing hysterically. (If you haven’t figured it out already, I’m never growing up.)
In case you’re wondering, none of that ordeal has anything to do with the title. Regardless of how inappropriate those jokes were for kids, they weren’t Ultimate Smackdown level by any means. Nope, the joke that earns that title came from Baby Girl. Yes, the three-year-old Baby Girl.
Like any younger sibling, Baby Girl pays attention to everything Little Man does or says, and his incessant telling of Yo Mama jokes did not escape her. We figured this out when she said, “Yo Mama SO ugly…” and stopped when my husband shut her down. She started telling jokes of her own, some were repeats, some were incoherent, and then there was this:
Yep, Baby Girl is straight up savage.
Feel free to tell me about a time you almost majorly screwed up as a parent. If you don’t have that, then I’ll take your best Yo Mama joke.
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