Fuzzy On The Details

Between my drafts folder and the multiple notes saved to my phone, I have so many things I could write about on this blog. I often jot or type things down when inspiration strikes and then go right back to what I was doing, having every intention of fleshing out that idea later. I have 30 drafts saved on my blog with titles of a few words or so. I have at least another 30 topics saved on my phone. Yet I struggle to come up with a blog post that will dazzle you.

If you’re a fan of The Office, then you’re probably familiar with this Michael Scott quote:

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.

That’s totally me when it comes to blogging. When I come back to many of those blogging topics later, I have often no idea where I was going with them at the time I wrote them down. And I stare at those topics and even attempt to write a few sentences about those topics, hoping that things will click and I’ll find where I’m going with it along the way. I usually don’t.

As you’ve probably already guessed, today’s post is going to be about the topics that I seriously don’t have a clue where I was going with them.

Cussing 100 yards, forget cleaning

I wish I had a clue what “cussing 100 yards” refers to, because it sounds like it would be funny. I’m certain that it doesn’t have anything to do with me hearing someone cussing 100 yards away, so there’s that. And “forget cleaning?” Well, I do that quite often, but why is it lumped together with the whole cussing bit? Am I the victim of autocorrect?

Sharing

Dear past me — be a dear and kindly expound upon your blog post topics, okay? Surely something bland and boring like “sharing” has to be connected with a funny story, right?

More bubble bath

I’ve got nothing. I can’t think of any situation in which one of my kids requesting more bubble bath (and I’m assuming it’s them, because my husband doesn’t take bubble baths and I usually don’t, because my allergies/asthma is very picky about soaps and stuff) would be humorous.

Your face is a vulca

Okay, so “vulca” has to be “vulva.” It has to be. Now if only I knew why I wanted to blog about vulva faces. Did Baby Girl call Little Man a vulva face? Because that would definitely be a step up from what she usually calls him — a meanie or a brat. (Gah.) Clearly I thought it was so funny enough that I’d remember all of the details of it later, but nah.

Bath water

This was on a separate note from “more bubble bath,” so I doubt they’re connected. There are a few things I could write about with something this generic, but nothing that strikes me as particularly interesting. I could write about the kids splashing water over all of creation from the tub, but…meh. I could write about Baby Girl drinking bath water, but…meh. Maybe that’s where I was going with it at the time I wrote it down and couldn’t see that it only had “meh” potential.

Theist spray

This is absolutely my favorite topic that I am clueless over. This one is older, so I know it absolutely isn’t related to when church people showed up on my doorsteps a couple weeks ago, when I hadn’t washed my hair in two days and wasn’t wearing a bra, but dang, it sure would’ve come in handy right about then. Surely I wasn’t planning on a bug spray for religious people, so what the heck was this supposed to be about? Or what the heck did autocorrect screw up and turn into something that makes me look like a heathen?

These are just a few of the topics that I have no idea where I was going when I wrote them down. And even on a couple of them that I have somewhat of an idea as to what I could be referencing, I’m still not sure how the hell I thought I’d get an entire post out of it.

Just so y’all know, this is pretty much every list I make. I used to not make lists, but then I started making them because I was told it would make my life easier. Ha. I’ll go into Target every so often and buy some Greenroom spiral 6×8 notebooks, which I use to keep track of all of my lists. And then I’ll inevitably lose one of the notebooks and start lists in a different one, and then find and lose another, and so on. Currently I have two notes on my phone plus pages of notes in three different notebooks for birthday party plans for Baby Girl’s party. When I try to take it all in and make sense of everything, I inevitably get overwhelmed and start a new list. The madness never ends.

Are you dazzled now?

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WTF Search Terms

Full disclosure: all of these search terms won’t fall under “WTF,” but at least a couple will. Since “WTF Search Terms” was more likely to grab your attention than “Mostly Mildly Interesting Search Terms,” I went with it.

More often than not, the search terms that lead to my blog show up as “Unknown Search terms,” but occasionally, I’ll get to see the actual term someone searched for that led them to Dorky Mom Doodles. Most of them don’t even qualify as mildly interesting, so I won’t include those here, but there are a few that either made me chuckle, piqued my interest, or made me a bit confused.

Is this someone’s way of letting me know they’re mad at me? I imagine using “mom doodle” as part of a phrase would lead someone to my site, so tacking on “damn it” (or something like “jerkface that I hope breaks her thumbs”) would be a neat passive-aggressive way of letting me know they were ticked at me. Maybe that’s the case, maybe not, but I did search for this myself and found that I say “damn it” quite often, as this search yielded quite a few results leading to this site.

I can only imagine that whoever searched for this was hoping to find prices on meat and cheese trays, or maybe they were looking for recipes that required meat and cheese. I don’t know which blog post it led to for sure, but I’m guessing it was probably one where I talked about being a picky eater. Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure that they didn’t find what they were looking for.

I’d like to say that the person who entered this search term did indeed feel better after visiting this blog. Well, unless they’re fans of good drawings and sophisticated humor…in which case, maybe not.

This one has me curious. I’d assume that someone searching for “toddler poops in underwear” is either researching how to clean poopy underwear or how to keep the child from pooping in underwear again. The “superhero” part is what made me snicker. I wouldn’t imagine one would need to be that specific when researching this issue, but they were.

There is no question about which post this search term led to. Last year when I did my Calling All Dorks series, I doodled my blog friend Becca’s story about the creepy baby doll in her garage called Baby Howie. I absolutely love that Baby Howie is so legendary that someone searched for him on Google.

I’m including this one because I don’t have a clue how this actually led to my blog. True, my Spanx post is one of my favorites, but spanx is a pretty big thing that tons of stores sell. How on earth did someone wade through that many pages of search results to make it to this blog? For the record, I skimmed over five pages of search results before I called it quits. I saw lots of spanx for sell, a mention of spanx on NPR, and something about Kim Kardashian accidentally flashing spanx, but nothing about a dorky mom wearing spanx.

Carding dorks…is that like making sure that dorky looking people are really 21 or older before giving them their booze? When I searched, I found stuff that confused me because SQL was mentioned. I decided that I’m okay with not knowing what, exactly, “carding dorks 2017” is and why it led to my blog. I don’t want to expend too much brain power on a Friday, after all.

This is the kind of term you hope to get when you check your search terms looking for interesting stuff. Randomness! Penis reference! Oddly specific! I looked this one up and it’s not as interesting as it seems — it’s a reference to line from a movie called Heavy Metal. I did not figure out which post the person was led to, which is a bummer, because I’d totally like to know where I referenced something resembling talking about letting my dork hang out.

What interesting search terms have led to your blog?

I Put My Boobs On The Internet…Again

Want to know a good way to appall your 1o-year-old? Besides calling Minecraft “that freaking block game,” that is? Put your boobs on the Internet. A few months ago, I published a post called What Your Bra Really Says About You on this blog, and while Little Man generally thinks everything I write is hilarious, he wasn’t very enthusiastic about me putting my boobs online, even if they were a) doodled and b) technically covered up.

Unfortunately for Little Man, those doodled, censored boobs are posted on another website. Sammiches and Psych Meds featured the What Your Bra Really Says About You today. If you didn’t read it when I originally posted it back in October, then head over to Sammiches and Psych Meds and check it out. Heck, even if you did read it when I originally posted it, head over there and check it out anyway, because it’s been seven months now, and I know your memory isn’t so great that you remember all the details of my censored breasts.

#AtoZChallenge: That’s A Wrap

This is my fourth year doing the challenge (although not all on the same blog) and my first time submitting all posts on time. In the words of Borat, “Great success!”

Twenty-six days, twenty-six stories (five of which were repeats), twenty-six sets of doodles. And 105 new doodles were created for those 21 brand-new posts. Considering that I was very slack the past few months, with my average of 2 to 3 posts per month, that’s a lot of new dork material. Now I just need to find a happy middle ground post schedule-wise!

This month saw me blasting to the past — anywhere from a week ago to 23 years ago. There were posts that probably made you fear for our lives a little, posts that warmed your hearts, and posts that probably made you almost lose your lunch. Variety FTW!

Here are the top five posts in terms of likes for the month:

‘U’ is for Uh-Oh – Baby Girl had some leakage on vacation.
‘Z’ is for Zzzz – My daughter makes my anxiety worse at night.
‘S’ is for Surgery – My husband took Valium for his vasectomy, and it was funny.
‘M’ is for Money – I made someone think I’m against a Down Syndrome society.
‘V’ is for Valentine’s Day – My grandmother let my husband almost scare me to death.

Runner up:
‘E’ is for Eating – I accidentally ordered a whole chicken.

The Surgery post was my favorite overall (it’s always fun to write about someone else’s embarrassing moments!), followed closely by ‘J’ is for JTT, because who doesn’t love tween cringe?

Now that it’s all over, I’m going to continue working on that book. I’ve got my categories figured out and have chosen a bunch of different stories to include. Next up: retool some of the stories, create new stories/doodles, and figure out who the heck would publish something like this/check out self-publish options.

Thanks to everyone who stopped by to check out the doodled madness this month! What was your favorite post?

A to Z Challenge Theme Reveal

I know what you guys are thinking right now. “Your slack ass is going to sign up for a month-long blogging challenge? Ha.”

I’ve done the A to Z Challenge for the past three years, so obviously I’ve gotta get on board for this one, too. Time might not be plentiful at the moment, but I’m gonna do my best with it, anyway.

Always a day or two late to the party…

My theme for the A to Z Challenge this year is:

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(Had to be a little bit dramatic with it, right?)

A Blast To The Past

So, for the month of April, I will be choosing certain historical events to create crappy doodles of. The American Revolution? Doodled. Jesus ascending into heaven? Doodled. The Hindenburg disaster? Doodled.

Before you click the “X” and think, “Ain’t no way I’m signing up for this,” this is the part where I tell you that I’m kidding. While “A Blast to the Past” is definitely my theme, I’m staying as far away from historical events and figures as I possibly can. Outside of WW2, history makes me snooze, so no doodles of beheadings or whatever from me.

Instead, I’ll be doodling things that have happened in my life, my kids’ lives, etc. Some of the posts may be doodles you’ve seen already (depending on whether I’m running behind or need something to fit a certain letter for a day), and others will be brand new material. Just so you know, the past can be anywhere from when I was a kid until last week.

So, now you know the game plan. Hopefully it won’t be as tough as last year, when I did the “Things Kids Say” theme and ended up changing half of my pre-planned topics! At the end of April, I’ll reveal something I’m working on blog-wise that will probably make this whole “slack blogger” to “blogs every day blogger” transformation make sense even more.

Now…who else is doing the A to Z Challenge? Where my people?

Blog Milestone

This blog finally hit 500 WordPress followers a few days ago, so yay! I’m not sure who number 500 was, since my browser keeps freezing up and crashing when I try to view my follower list, but thanks to whoever it was! And thanks to everyone else who is following. It has been a fun six months with this blog, and I appreciate everyone who has been supportive of it.

Since the milestone notification image from WordPress is kind of blah, here’s my own:

I started working on an outline for a book tied to this blog. As slow as I am, it’ll take forever time to create the extra doodles needed to have enough to publish (plus maintaining the blog), but hopefully I’ll finish something for a change! So, here’s to continuing build the blog and hopefully a book in the distant future.

Want to connect on social media? You can find me on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram.

Calling All Dorks

I’ve been thinking about some things I’d like to do with this blog, and one of those things is to start having guest posts that are accompanied by a couple of my doodles. If you have a funny/dorky story or idea (it doesn’t have to be related to parenting) that you can make around a 300-word blog post out of, then either leave a message in the comments with your contact info or email me at dorkymomdoodles@gmail.com and we’ll go from there. Stories you’ve previously published on your blog are fine, too.

If there is enough interest in guest posts, I may do themed posts, so stories that are holiday/season specific may be saved for later.

Isn’t this an amazing opportunity? You get to see a poorly drawn version of yourself/your family! You get a chance to have arms that look like penises no matter how hard I try to make normal arms! There could even be an unintentional thigh gap!

That’s enough enthusiasm for now. Feel free to share this with any bloggers you think might be interested.

Bad Mommy (Blogger)

A few days ago, Little Man and I went out for dinner after his Parkour class. We got to talking to someone at the restaurant when he sort of bragged that his mom is a blogger. We were talking about Star Wars stuff, and after bragging that his whole family is a bunch of nerds, he backed that up by mentioning my blog.

The girl didn’t look terribly impressed. “Mommy blogger?” she asked with a hint of derision. (Okay, maybe that derision was imagined, but she definitely wasn’t impressed.)

“Eh. Something like that.” I’m not much of a mom blogger since you won’t get advice or read anything introspective here.

Little Man wasn’t feeling the eh, though. “She draws these AMAZING doodles! And they’re so funny!” he bragged.

I felt a surge of pride — here is my almost tween bragging about his mom to a complete stranger. It might not be anything bragworthy to other adults, and is light years away from being amazing, but I’ll sure as hell take it.

And then he added a warning:

Maybe one day I’ll draw decent arms.

No, he didn’t read the post where I mentioned a certain word being my favorite, but I have shared a few posts with him. (I usually just show him the doodles, though.) My use of “damn” or “hell” or whatever it was certainly didn’t get past him. Then again, this is the child who commented, “They said two cuss words” after watching The Force Awakens, so I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that he’s keeping a running tally for my blog.

(Is this what he talks about on the playground? Other kids talk about their moms doing crafts and stuff and Little Man talks about his cussing not-quite-a-mommy-blogger mom.)

I’ll take my Mom of the Year Award now.

Thanks for the promotion, Little Man. I think.

Want to connect on social media? You can find me on Facebook, Twitter,  Instagram, and Bloglovin. You can also vote for me as a Top Mom Blogger here. (Maybe that last once should be omitted for the post where I claim I’m not a mom blogger. Hmm.)