#ThingsKidsSay: Don’t Lose Your Top

My family and I went for an overnight stay at the Great Wolf Lodge located fairly close to where we live. If you’ve never been there, it’s an outdoorsy themed water park for kids. Most of the slides and pools and splash pads are indoors, but there are a few things outside, too, for when the weather is warmer.

I love being by the water, but I’m not as much of a fan of getting in. I can swim, but prefer hanging out by the pool or ocean most of the time for reasons. One of these reasons is that sometimes things happen when I’m in the water (whether it’s in the ocean or on a water slide), and these things cause me to have wardrobe malfunctions. It happens to everyone at some point, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had more than my fair share.

The last time I went to Great Wolf Lodge, I had a wardrobe malfunction while riding a slide with Little Man. After much begging, I got on the slide (I really dislike water slides now that I’m older), and then I proceeded to flip on the mat, take a hard hit to the head, and partially lose my bottoms and one of my boobs was well on her way to greeting the world when I got to the bottom. I righted myself, avoided eye contact with the people standing near, and stayed away from that area for the rest of our visit.

So, I have a rule now — no more water slides for me. I’ll gladly stand at the bottom and watch, but I ain’t getting on. Nope, not happening. And Little Man apparently forgot this rule yesterday when he begged me to ride a two-person water ride with him.

Channeling my inner Joey Tribbiani, I told him, “Mommy don’t ride water rides.” (I have no idea why I have to say it in Joey’s “Joey don’t share food” voice, but I do.)

Since the boy rarely takes no for an answer, he tried to change my mind. When I suggested that he find another kid to ride with, he tried to guilt me by suggesting that he could be kidnapped.

I realize after uploading this image that I gave myself a thigh gap, which I don’t have IRL, at all.

I told him I’d take that chance. He cackled and said he’d wait for his dad.

So, are y’all water slide riders? Or do you avoid them because of wardrobe malfunctions, too?

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Netflix Zombies

As new parents might expect, having a little one changes things quite a bit. Well, quite a lot, since there’s the matter of there being a new human in the home who is completely dependent on you. And that child is basically a puke-diarrhea-pee factory who is also the most precious thing on the face of the earth — so you might not mind too much when some of those bodily fluids land on you, or in your mouth (all three categories, both kids — pretty sure a FML was appropriate).

Pre-kids, my husband and I had so much fun together. Sometimes we’d go away for the weekend, but mostly we had our fun hanging out, having deep talks, playing softball, playing chess and card games or video games, having some drinks, and going to football games (and having even more drinks). Typical newlyweds-without-kids stuff.

Now things are different. I know we could still do all of those things. Maybe not the drinking on a regular basis (well, definitely not, because hitting 30 apparently means you get all the heartburn galore from a single drink), but the chess and card games and video games — sure, we could. But we usually don’t. When 10:00 comes, and the last kid is finally down for the night (or, in the case of the toddler, for a few hours), we’ve got about an hour and a half together before my husband lies down. That time is usually spent zoning out to TV because we’re just so damn tired. We do have our dates nights, but half of those are spent getting pizza and watching something on Netflix because, again, tired.

This will change as the kids get older and more independent, but for now, that’s life, and you’ve gotta find the funny in life.

And that brings us to today’s doodle —

Can y’all relate?

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#ThingsToddlersSay: Feel Better

Kids can be hilarious at times — sometimes it’s intentional, and sometimes it’s not. And sometimes they can do things so sweet that you wonder how you managed to put something so kindhearted into the world. (And, to be fair, you also sometimes wonder how you managed to put little heathens in the world.)

Last Sunday, I wasn’t feeling great — I wasn’t sick, but had some cramping stuff going on and needed to lie down and use the heating pad. Unfortunately, Baby Girl is not a fan of me lying down, ever.

“Mommy, you not go to sleep! You get up and play with me!” the two-year-old tyrant demanded.

When I explained to her that I wasn’t feeling well and needed to lie down and suggested we read, she informed me in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t sick. “Mommy, you not sick. You don’t need the medicine. Please, get up! We go play Peppa and Batman and cook…”

She wasn’t short for ideas of things to do that didn’t include me lying on the heating pad. I thought I had convinced her to go play with her brother or her dad for a bit when she disappeared. A few minutes later, though, she was back carrying a little Halloween bucket that she had gotten from McDonald’s. The doodle below shows the sweet moment that followed.

Gah. My heart immediately melted. I asked my husband if he had suggested doing something to make me feel better, but this one was all on her own. It didn’t matter a bit that it was someone’s leftover bottle of water from the table and stale pretzels and popcorns leftover from a snack — I ate and drank every bit of it. And, yes, I eventually moved to the floor to play (thankfully that heating pad has a heck of a long cord).

What’s something your child has done that made your heart melt?

Want to connect on social media? You can find links to my accounts at the top of the menu bar on my page, or go here for Facebook and look up Instagram and Twitter with @dorkymomdoodles.