Featured Post On The Erma Bombeck Site

One of my posts, Wearing Spanx: An Act of Love, has been featured on the Erma Bombeck site, HumorWriters.org. Click here to check it out.

We made it to the ship but haven’t left yet. Baby Girl announced that she isn’t eating anything until we get home. 😼


Featured on WordPress Discover

It’s been a little over a year since I started up Dorky Mom Doodles. My first post was in February of 2017, and the blog has come a long way in that time. During the first year, the quality of the doodles improved from horribly to just pretty crappy, I picked up a little over 800 followers, and I published 114 blog posts. One of my blog posts was also featured on Scary Mommy during that year, so all in all, it was a pretty darn good first year blog-wise.

And today one of those 114 blog posts was featured on WordPress Discover —  Parenting Books I Need To Read.

Needless to say, I’m pretty excited about that. If you haven’t read that post yet, check it out. I’m still planning on using one of those titles in a book for this blog if I ever make it to the finish line.

Since I missed doing a blogiversary post in February, thanks for following the doodled madness that is my life!

I’m Having A Hot Flash WHERE?

People with anxiety disorder know how it is — the least little thing can mean impending doom health-wise. Headaches are brain tumors, stomach pain from that questionable taco you ate could be cancer. Bluish colored streaks on one’s neck are only God knows what, but surely awful (or it could be getting your recently dyed hair wet).

Several months ago, I was driving to pick up Baby Girl from preschool when my bottom suddenly felt hot all over. Alarmed, I tried to feel around to see if I was suddenly bleeding out or something. That would be bad, because not only would I be bleeding out, the car seat in my husband’s car had been dismantled because Baby Girl had puked all over it the night before. As such, my husband would have no way of getting her because I’d be at the hospital with the non-puked on car seat. Shit!

After swerving off the side of the road and determining that there was no blood, I continued panicking. Why was my butt having a hot flash? Was I on the verge of death, or maybe it was something less serious, like experiencing a side effect of one of my medications? Or maybe I had an infection that I would have to figure out how to deal with on my own, since there was no way I was going to a doctor to discuss an infected butt region.

I freaked out some more, trying to come up with more explanations for my bottom being hot all over. I debated on going into a gas station bathroom, which I rarely do because that definitely makes me feel like I’m dying (seriously, I’d rather risk an accident than use most public restrooms), and checking myself out. Maybe I could use my phone camera to get a good look, only what if I accidentally hit the wrong button and went live on Facebook or something? Gah.

And then it hit me — we have the ability to heat the seats in our car. Being someone who suffers from chronic swampassitis for 6 or 7 months of the year (screw you, humid South Carolina), and having only bought the car a few months earlier at the beginning of the swampassitis season, I had never used that option. And I probably never will. So, maybe it wasn’t that I was dying, but that my husband had turned on the thing that heats the seats.

I called my husband. “How do I check to see if the heated seat thing is on in the car? Is there a button or something?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” he said. “I turned it on. The button is underneath the radio and all that stuff.” I found it, saw the green light was lit, and turned it off. The heat on my bottom quickly went away. Crisis diverted — Baby Girl could be picked up and I wouldn’t have to go to the ER to discuss my hot (for once in my life) ass.

Have you ever gone into crisis mode over something silly?

Want to connect on social media? You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Blog Milestone

This blog finally hit 500 WordPress followers a few days ago, so yay! I’m not sure who number 500 was, since my browser keeps freezing up and crashing when I try to view my follower list, but thanks to whoever it was! And thanks to everyone else who is following. It has been a fun six months with this blog, and I appreciate everyone who has been supportive of it.

Since the milestone notification image from WordPress is kind of blah, here’s my own:

I started working on an outline for a book tied to this blog. As slow as I am, it’ll take forever time to create the extra doodles needed to have enough to publish (plus maintaining the blog), but hopefully I’ll finish something for a change! So, here’s to continuing build the blog and hopefully a book in the distant future.

Want to connect on social media? You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Calling All Dorks

I’ve been thinking about some things I’d like to do with this blog, and one of those things is to start having guest posts that are accompanied by a couple of my doodles. If you have a funny/dorky story or idea (it doesn’t have to be related to parenting) that you can make around a 300-word blog post out of, then either leave a message in the comments with your contact info or email me at dorkymomdoodles@gmail.com and we’ll go from there. Stories you’ve previously published on your blog are fine, too.

If there is enough interest in guest posts, I may do themed posts, so stories that are holiday/season specific may be saved for later.

Isn’t this an amazing opportunity? You get to see a poorly drawn version of yourself/your family! You get a chance to have arms that look like penises no matter how hard I try to make normal arms! There could even be an unintentional thigh gap!

That’s enough enthusiasm for now. Feel free to share this with any bloggers you think might be interested.

Questions, Questions, Questions

Today I’m taking a break from doodles and will be answering some questions that were asked as part of a blog award deal.

First off — thanks to Eric at All In A Dad’s Work and Katherine at Welcome to the Nursery for nominating me for the Liebster Award. And thanks to Steve at Steve Still Standing for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award. It is much appreciated, and if you aren’t following these blogs already, then I suggest you click those links and do so. 🙂

I don’t usually do blog awards these days — although I definitely appreciate the thought — but I do have fun answering the questions. As such, I’m going to ignore all the award rules and focus on the questions that were asked.

First, the questions from Eric.

1. How do you re-energize?

I’m an introvert, so I have to find some time to myself to re-energize. Going out and being around people is draining — hell, being around my two children who talk incessantly is draining — so I need to find a quiet space and be alone with my thoughts to get back to normal.

2. What yearly salary would you consider “living comfortably”?

Hmm. Probably around $110,000. We can and do live on less, but hitting that number would give us the bump to pad our savings and to not have to worry about much of anything.

3. If you met Mother Theresa, what would you ask her?

“How do we get people to have more compassion?”

4. What ice cream flavor do you think your personality is like?

I never know how to answer this question, so I’m doing an ice cream flavor quiz to find out. Feel free to join me on this one.

I got vanilla. You’re tried and true, but far from plain. It’s the little things in life that make you happy — a good book, a nice day, or just spending time with the family. Yours is a life of utter content. I’d agree with that.

5. If your car had a super power, what super power would you like it to have?

To get to school on time, regardless of when we leave, so that my kid isn’t always getting tardies.

6. Do you have a plan for your blog for the long run?

Mostly just keep building it. I’d love to take some of the experiences I have with my kids and make a book out of it one day.

7. Is there a word you avoid using? A word you don’t like?

I don’t like words that are used for the sole purpose of being hurtful to someone.

8. Do you have a favorite word?

I love “fuck.” I don’t use it much on this blog or around most people so as not to offend (hey family members who read this blog — see the sacrifice I’m making?), but I love using it. It’s so versatile. I’m also a fan of most other curse words. Again, I try to be careful depending on who I’m around. And for anyone who might be inclined to say that cursing must mean someone doesn’t have anything to say or has a low intelligence, I’ll leave this right here. 😉

9. If we communicated by playing musical instruments, what instrument would you communicate with?

A kazoo. They’re so much fun!

10. Is there a time when something didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to, but in the end you were glad that it didn’t?

My life, I suppose. I was supposed to teach several years, get my master’s, and then have kids, but I ended up getting pregnant quickly after graduating from college/getting married (I graduated on week and got married two weeks later). The first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, but it made me realize how badly I wanted a kid and we got pregnant soon thereafter with Little Man. Sometimes I wish that things had gone according to original plan so we would’ve gotten off to a better start financially and so I’d have had a career (instead of just one year teaching and a bunch of freelance stuff for several years). But I wouldn’t be where I am now with the kids that I have now, so NO RAGRETS.

11. What’s the best piece of advice you would give a new blogger?

Find your voice. It’ll make you stand out from the crowd.

Now for the questions from Katherine.

1. What would you say you are best at?

Making people laugh. Sometimes it’s intentional and sometimes it’s not, but I can usually get a chuckle out of people.

2. What are you worst at?

Sticking with things. For reasons, I’ll start a project or work on a personal goal and be all gung-ho about it, and then that interest completely drops off and I’m done.

3. Say you can move anywhere in the country right now – where would you go?

Ashville, North Carolina. Mountains, close enough to the coast, only a three-hour drive from family, and — most importantly — it’d be cooler and less humid than where I am now.

4. Say you can move anywhere in the world right now – where would you go?

Sticking with my “cooler and less humid” mindset, northwest Spain. A quick Google search for “best climate” says that the summer temperatures rarely get outside of the 60s and 70s and that winter temperatures are usually in the 40s and 50s. This sounds like perfection.

5. What’s the longest piece of writing you’ve done? What was it for?

I have several half-finished books on my computer. (See question #2.) Outside of personal writing, I’m pretty sure there was a long paper — maybe 15 pages — due before graduating. That was 11 years ago, so my memory is fuzzy on the details.

6. Can you stand on your head? Your hands?

I can barely stand on two feet at times, so standing otherwise is out of the question.

7. If you could be an Olympic athlete, what sport would you choose?

I should probably go with something like gymnastics or swimming, since that’d mean being fit and all that, but I’m going with Ping pong. I’m pretty good at it, but the last time I played with my husband, he beat me and gloated about it. If I were good enough to be in the Olympics, then I’d surely kick his ass every time we play.

8. Ghosts – real or figments of our imagination?

I don’t believe ghosts exist in the traditional sense.

9. What’s in your heaven?

My family, books, good food, and no humidity.

10. If you were only allowed two condiments from now til death, what would you choose?

Ketchup and soy sauce.

11. Would you rather live in a desert or a rainforest?


Since I’m only doing the questions, I won’t be listing any facts about myself (I can barely think of five interesting things to say about myself, let alone 29 in total!), nor will I be nominating anyone. I will, however, invite anyone who made it to the end of this post to pick a couple questions from above and answer them below.

#WeekendCoffeeShare: Coke, Hobbies, and School

If we were having coffee today, I’d have an assortment to offer you. Walmart had 3-packs for a buck, so I got a bunch of different varieties for my husband to try. (I’ve given up on finding a coffee that I like enough to drink on the reg myself.) I also have over a dozen cupcakes leftover from the soccer banquet, plus cinnamon rolls from the bakery. They were all purchased on Monday, but the date’s still good, so have at it.

At the mention of all of the baked goods lasting the week, you might give me the side eye and wonder how they survived to the weekend. I could chalk it up to having a stomach bug and a cold, but I did something crazy last week — I stopped drinking Coke. (I’ve had one two in the past 10 12 days, down from the 3-4 cans plus a fountain Coke that I’d been having per day. Hides face in shame.) Headaches happened of course, but I noticed something on the days where I do have an appetite — my sweet cravings have decreased a lot. As such, we have treats to offer guests who would risk their health by visiting us.

We’d toast to my greatly reduced Coke drinking habit and then talk about life stuff.

So…life stuff.

Baby Girl has asked to use the potty once per day this week. Usually when we’re away from home, because she prefers using other people’s toilets. (THIS IS SO NOT MY CHILD. You don’t want to know the risk I’ll take just to get to my own toilet.) But she’s asking to go, so that’s something. Plus she’s asking when she’s in the tub, so she’s not peeing/pooping on me anymore. Yay! I’m going to take a week early on in the summer and put her in underwear and try to get her fully trained. She’s incredibly strong-willed, but I’m hoping that if I take off the pull-ups and stick her in underwear that she’ll go with it after getting wet a few times.

I’ve been working on a few orders over the weekend — two necklace orders and a couple of decal orders. Before April, I was making decals for shirts/mugs/projects, pendant necklaces, and more to sell to make a little money on the side. That was going pretty well, but I didn’t promote that at all in April, so I only had a couple orders that month, plus I made stuff for different family members for their birthday gifts. Hopefully I’ll get the ball rolling again in May (or at least learn how to screen print something).

I’d also tell you that I’m trying to work out something to do for our wedding anniversary. My husband took me to Charleston last year and had everything planned out, so I’m trying to come up with something for this year. So far I’ve thought about driving to Niagara Falls, but that’s an 11 hour drive from South Carolina, and I don’t think he’d like driving that much in 2 days. And then I thought about going to Scranton, Pennsylvania since we’re both The Office superfans, but that is also a heck of a drive. Hmm…

Then I’d comment on how I can’t believe school is almost out — Baby Girl’s last day is Thursday and Little Man’s last day is in about two and a half weeks. My toddler will be two years away from starting kindergarten and my son will be two years from starting middle school, which is just crazy to think about!

That’s all I’ve got for today. How was your week?

Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Nerd In The Brain.

Want to connect on social media? You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Life Goals #2

The past couple of days have been rough. I’ll post more later (plus a doodle that may or may not make you lose your lunch; I haven’t decided yet), but let’s just say that the sickness has hit the Dorky household yet again. New month, same problems — stomach bugs and colds.

So as not to go four days without a new post, I’m going to use this Life Goals post that I drew a while back and have been saving. (You can read Life Goals #1 here, if you’d like.)

Let me add “Dishes Mountain, Toys Mountain, and Puke Clothes Mountain” to that. Okay, maybe Puke Clothes Mountain falls under Clothes Mountain, but trust me when I say that it has earned its own category.

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#WeekendCoffeeShare: GWL, Soccer, and Laziness

If we were having coffee, I’d fess up and tell you that I don’t really drink coffee. I’ve tried. Oh, how I’ve tried. You see, people who were/are a) English majors (now you’ll feel obligated to look for every typo/grammar error since I’ve mentioned that), b) teachers or c) parents are pretty much required to have a coffee dependency. And I don’t. I’ve tried to make myself like it, and found one thing that I could tolerate that was a step above hot chocolate with lots of creamer, but otherwise, I just can’t.

So, if we were having coffee, I’d tell you that what’s really in my cup is Coke or possibly sweet tea. Maybe even hot chocolate if I’m in the mood for a warm drink, which I don’t usually go for. You’ll probably look at me like I’m all weird (or maybe you’ll be one of those people who also dislikes coffee and raise your fist in a show of solidarity), but you’ll shrug it off since it’s not the weirdest thing about me and move on to asking where my sweets are.

Sadly, there are no sweets.

When we went to the Great Wolf Lodge this week, we only bought enough groceries to get us through Tuesday, and we haven’t been to the store since getting home. My refrigerator is bare, y’all. I have pickles, eggs, juice that none of us like but I don’t want to throw it out because it’d be wasteful, an old head of lettuce, an almost empty gallon of milk, and various condiments. So, if you want a wilty condiments salad, then I’m your girl, but otherwise, you might wanna bring some food.

Back to my week. First, the Great Wolf Lodge was fun. I didn’t show any skin that ddn’t need to be shown, we didn’t lose either of the kids, and we all had fun. I’ll toot my own horn for a second and tell you about getting the high score on the Flappy Bird game at the arcade and winning enough tickets to get Baby Girl a big Peppa Pig stuffie. I was again labeled “coolest mom ever” by Little Man, and since he’s rapidly approaching the tween years, I don’t hear that designation as much as I used to, so that was sweet.

The remainder of the week was spent doing as little as possible. We stayed home on Friday evening and I made a special St. Patrick’s Day breakfast for the kids with all the green food dye and sugar.

Saturday was spent at Little Man’s soccer game, doing some very light cleaning, and having a date night. (We went out, had dinner, and did some shopping for new bras that woudln’t impale me.) As for today — it looks like we’ll be having a lazy Sunday. We really, really need groceries, but I also don’t want to leave the comfort of my fleece pajama bottoms. I anticipate ordering a pizza, grabbing a few things from the Dollar General, and kicking back the rest of the day watching some basketball games. (Go Cocks and Shockers!)

Now that I’m finished going on and on, I’ll ask you to tell me about your week. Anything fun/interesting going on?

Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Nerd in the Brain.

Want to connect on social media? You can find links to my accounts at the top of the menu bar on my page, or go here for Facebook and look up Instagram and Twitter with @dorkymomdoodles.

Should’ve Bought The Bread And Milk

The last time the weatherman called for snow, we expected to wake up to a few inches. Instead, there was nothing. Later that morning, we got the smallest of dustings, but that was it. We were pretty disappointed, but not surprised, since in SC, winter isn’t winter so much as it is fall-spring-summer, with a handful of days cold enough to wear a fleece jacket and maybe a day or two where it’s so cold that school is called off. It’s all over the place.

The weatherman has been talking about snow this week, but my part of SC wasn’t expected to get more than a dusting if we were lucky. I didn’t think too much about it because of last time. So, I didn’t join the horde of people at Walmart going on a bread and milk run last night. Nor did I buy booze.

And then I woke up to this.

We’ve gotten about four inches so far, which is the equivalent to 18 inches elsewhere, so boom.

And, as the picture shows, it was mid-70s earlier in the week and now it’s Snowmageddon!

Want to connect on social media? You can find links to my accounts at the top of the menu bar on my page, or go here for Facebook and look up Instagram and Twitter with @dorkymomdoodles.