Reasons The Toddler Is Pissed

If you look up “temperamental” in the dictionary, I’m pretty sure that you’d find a picture of a toddler next to it. Maybe even my toddler.

Oh, wait…

How about that? I wasn’t exaggerating after all!

True to the definition of temperamental, one minute Baby Girl is happy. The next she’s mad. Sometimes she’s mad over the reason that originally made her happy, which is confusing as hell and makes the whole “navigating parenting” thing much more difficult. Other times she’s ticked off for reasons that should never tick anyone off, ever. And, occasionally, there are times when she’s pissed for reasons that are beyond me.

Here are a few of the reasons she might be mad on any given day —

I have four younger brothers and sisters, so I get #1 — I completely understand what it’s like for a look from a sibling cause someone to see red. I don’t understand why, but I do know that it happens and isn’t just a Baby Girl thing. Even worse than looking at each other is looking at an object the other sibling is playing with/using with interest — this causes a reaction akin to road rage in children.

And for the record, with #3 — we’re talking about milk that has been sitting out for maybe ten minutes. The cup is still cool to the touch. I’m not a monster who makes kids drink warm milk. Cold milk is gross enough to me, but warm milk? “Disgusting!” to use Baby Girl’s new favorite word.

I mostly don’t get the others on that list. Especially #4. Who wants to go around wearing a shitty diaper? It makes her butt red and itchy, which she also complains about. Use. The. Potty. (And use it regularly enough that I can say stop saying “potty” in a sweet, high-pitched voice that is supposed to make you take interest in it.)

What are some funny things your kids get mad over?

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Netflix Zombies

As new parents might expect, having a little one changes things quite a bit. Well, quite a lot, since there’s the matter of there being a new human in the home who is completely dependent on you. And that child is basically a puke-diarrhea-pee factory who is also the most precious thing on the face of the earth — so you might not mind too much when some of those bodily fluids land on you, or in your mouth (all three categories, both kids — pretty sure a FML was appropriate).

Pre-kids, my husband and I had so much fun together. Sometimes we’d go away for the weekend, but mostly we had our fun hanging out, having deep talks, playing softball, playing chess and card games or video games, having some drinks, and going to football games (and having even more drinks). Typical newlyweds-without-kids stuff.

Now things are different. I know we could still do all of those things. Maybe not the drinking on a regular basis (well, definitely not, because hitting 30 apparently means you get all the heartburn galore from a single drink), but the chess and card games and video games — sure, we could. But we usually don’t. When 10:00 comes, and the last kid is finally down for the night (or, in the case of the toddler, for a few hours), we’ve got about an hour and a half together before my husband lies down. That time is usually spent zoning out to TV because we’re just so damn tired. We do have our dates nights, but half of those are spent getting pizza and watching something on Netflix because, again, tired.

This will change as the kids get older and more independent, but for now, that’s life, and you’ve gotta find the funny in life.

And that brings us to today’s doodle —

Can y’all relate?

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#ThingsToddlersSay: Feel Better

Kids can be hilarious at times — sometimes it’s intentional, and sometimes it’s not. And sometimes they can do things so sweet that you wonder how you managed to put something so kindhearted into the world. (And, to be fair, you also sometimes wonder how you managed to put little heathens in the world.)

Last Sunday, I wasn’t feeling great — I wasn’t sick, but had some cramping stuff going on and needed to lie down and use the heating pad. Unfortunately, Baby Girl is not a fan of me lying down, ever.

“Mommy, you not go to sleep! You get up and play with me!” the two-year-old tyrant demanded.

When I explained to her that I wasn’t feeling well and needed to lie down and suggested we read, she informed me in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t sick. “Mommy, you not sick. You don’t need the medicine. Please, get up! We go play Peppa and Batman and cook…”

She wasn’t short for ideas of things to do that didn’t include me lying on the heating pad. I thought I had convinced her to go play with her brother or her dad for a bit when she disappeared. A few minutes later, though, she was back carrying a little Halloween bucket that she had gotten from McDonald’s. The doodle below shows the sweet moment that followed.

Gah. My heart immediately melted. I asked my husband if he had suggested doing something to make me feel better, but this one was all on her own. It didn’t matter a bit that it was someone’s leftover bottle of water from the table and stale pretzels and popcorns leftover from a snack — I ate and drank every bit of it. And, yes, I eventually moved to the floor to play (thankfully that heating pad has a heck of a long cord).

What’s something your child has done that made your heart melt?

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Speaking Toddler-ese

On the home from school yesterday, Little Man and I had a conversation about his sister. Little Man was 6 when Baby Girl was born (they’re 9 and 2 now). We talked about her upcoming birthday (which is in June, but I’m already planning), when he commented that he missed the cute things she used to say when she first started talking.

“Do you remember how she used to say, ‘Hey, bo,’ to everyone?” Little Man asked.

I did. We were resigned to the idea, for a time, that it’d be in her destiny to rock pink camo.

“And how about all the crazy words she’d use?” LM asked. “Remember ‘Go-Go’?”

I chuckled. Ah, “Go-Go.” That one took a while to figure out, but eventually we realized she wanted to watch Frozen; specifically, the scene where Elsa sings Let It Go. She later upped the ante by calling every song in the movie “Go-Go,” and you’d have to figure out which song she wanted based on the inflection. I can’t remember it all, but it was something like “Go-Go” meant For The First Time In Forever and “Go-Go-Go” meant Olaf’s song.

I relayed my and Little Man’s discussion to my husband last night, which prompted us to talk about LM’s toddler vocabulary versus Baby Girl’s. LM started talking early — and talked very clearly, I might add —  so rarely were we confused when he’d ask for something. Have a look at some of Little Man’s words:

For the record, we didn’t feed Little Man only cereal when he was young. But, it’s been around 7 to 8 years since he was a toddler, and I’m struggling to think of anything else he called food that was either confusing or funny.

And now for Baby Girl. As you’ve probably gathered from the Go-Go info, the words she used for when she couldn’t say the right word weren’t always as easy to figure out as with Little Man. The easiest we got was her asking for balls, which meant she wanted an orange, an apple, blueberries, or grapes. So, even with that, there was still a bit of trial and error before we gave her the right thing.

Check out some of her more difficult words:

By the way — she still occasionally asks for bites. She does this when she wants something to eat, but doesn’t know what she wants and wants me to offer her a dozen things so she can decide. She’ll also ask for “a that” and expects me to do the same thing.

So, parents/caregivers/people who were once kids — do you have any cute/confusing words to share?

IRS v. PTO

This is one of the first posts on this blog and a repost seemed appropriate since school starts back for kids in our area this week. 

Parents of kids who have been in school — would you rather deal with the IRS or with the PTO?

Hmm?

You probably had to take a second to think about that. Answering questions related to purchases made years ago, deductions made, and other boring nonsense sounds pretty bad. But then you realize that you’re not comparing the IRS to car shopping or signing a million pages in a house closing — you’re comparing it to the PTO (Parent Teacher Organization). At best, that realization gives you a sinking feeling in your stomach. At worst, you might be having some flashbacks and screaming, “No, God, no!” in your head.

The PTO is kind of life the mafia. And the PTO powers that be treat parents like we’re lower tier drug dealers. , and you might start to realize that the IRS isn’t the worst thing in the world.

“Get out there with 50 packs of overpriced M&Ms and don’t come back until they’re gone.”

“Little Peter can only sell 10 tins of popcorn? Get his butt back out in front of the Walmart ’til they’re gone.”

“Each child was supposed to raise $300 for this fundraiser. Your child raised $298.12. You think that’s acceptable?! Hit. The. Streets. Find that money or else!”

Or something like that.

Here’s a nice little comparison of the two organizations. I think we can all agree that the PTO is the worst (assuming you are honest on your taxes, anyway).

(You can zoom in to read the smallish handwriting. Laziness prevented me from redoing it.)

What would you add to the list of crappy things about the PTO?

I should mention that this isn’t representative of the PTO at Little Man’s current school, but definitely matches up with past experiences.

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Netflix And (Legit) Chill

A night without the kids is an amazing thing. You can do all sorts of things that you can’t when they’re with you — eat at nice restaurants, go shopping whine-free, eat snack cakes without little vultures appearing when they hear the crinkling of the cellophane.

On to plans for the night — there are many decisions to be made. Where do we go? What do we eat? Do we stay home and do the parenting version of Netflix and chill (you know — the one where all you do is watch Netflix and actually chill)? Hmm.

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What do you like to do when you get a night to yourself?

Fun In The Sun

I’ve never been any good at drawing, to the point that I think my family wants to say, “Tell me about this, Mom,” to spare my feelings when I attempt to draw more than a stick figure. Despite this, I recently got an iPad Pro and discovered that I really enjoy doodling on it. It’s fun and relaxing and gives me something else to do beside zoning out to Netflix after the kids go to bed.

“This is adorably bad,” my husband told me when I showed him the doodle I’m sharing below. That’s better than just “bad,” right? And clearly, when he said “adorably bad,” he meant “start a blog and share it with the world.” Or something like that.

At any rate, I’m going with it. Maybe as I keep doodling, I’ll go from “adorably bad” to “not so bad.” We’ll see.

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