#ThingsKidsSay: Ruining Reputations

Over the past year or so, I’ve noticed Little Man making the transition from calling me “Mommy” to calling me “Mom.” At first he started calling me “Mom” in front of other kids and called me “Mommy” in private, but now it’s mostly “Mom,” unless he wants something. He’s nine now, so it’s about that time, I suppose.

Yesterday I showed Little Man a draft of a doodle post that I’m working on. It shows him doing something when he was younger, and in the picture, it shows him addressing me as “Mommy,” since that is what he called me then. Accuracy and all. This, I’ve found out, is problematic for me tween-to-be.

Those hobbit-sized feet are also accurate.

That’s me — the ruiner of reputations. Maybe that will be printed on my gravestone. I wonder how much longer I’ll be able to refer to him as “Little Man” before I’m accused of ruining his street creed.

What have your kids said to make you chuckle lately?

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I’m Dorky And I Know It

As you may have gathered from the title of this blog, the dork runs strong in me, and the rest of my family is no exception. My son once asked when he was going to get his nerd card, and my daughter came out of the womb with a Batman obsession. Dorky, among other things, is what we are, and we embrace it. 

Sometimes we embrace our inner dorks by changing the lyrics the popular songs. “Let It Go” becomes “Let Her Fart” (thanks, Little Man), “Summer Nights” became a song about Baby Girl’s bowel movements, and “Can’t Stop The Feeling” also became a song about flatulence. “My Heart Will Go On”…well, I probably don’t need to explain. (And apparently we all have the sense of humor of eleven year olds.)

Last week Little Man and I were making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We were having a lazy dinner night, and the kids wanted PB&Js, which is perfect for lazy dinners, lunches, and pretty much everything. While making the sandwiches, I commented to Little Man that he and Baby Girl were certainly “all about that peanut butter.” And they are. Outside of pizza day at school, I can count the number of times LM has requested something other than PB&J for lunch on one hand, and BG loves peanut butter so much that she’ll eat at it straight from the jar.

“Yeah, we sure are,” he responded.

And then this was born:

Little Man suggested recording a video to put on YouTube, but I opted out. My singing abilities probably shouldn’t be showcased anywhere other than in doodled format. 

What songs do you like to change up for fun?

I got some cool news this morning — my Five Stages Of Dealing With Your Kids’ Carseats doodle will appear on Scary Mommy next Monday (if nothing changes scheduling wise). I’m excited about that. The text part of the post will be a bit more fleshed out, so I’ll post a link when it’s up next week.

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Top Five Songs For Migraines

For a time as a parent, I didn’t have to listen to crappy music. (My husband would say, “Wait, that’s not true because you love Hanson,” which I’d ignore while pitying him for not embracing their greatness.) When Little Man came along, we didn’t play much kiddie music. We stuck to our Beatles, Radiohead, Ben Folds, Weezer, Hanson (obviously I’ve got to mention them again), etc. He loved it all and we didn’t have to listen to cheesy crap sang in high-pitched voices, so all was right in the world. Even the music for the TV shows he watched was tolerable.

All was good in our parenting world for about six years, and then things changed.

Baby Girl came along. While she likes some of our music (especially Radiohead’s No Surprises, which has been on repeat every night for much of the past two and a half years), she prefers the cheesy kids’ songs. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Five Little Monkeys. If You’re Happy And You Know It. Apples and Bananas. Itsy Bitsy Freaking Spider. And, despite having a playlist for her to shuffle through those songs, she usually picks one and wants it on repeat for the entire car ride. I get kinda road ragey as it is, but after the tenth time of listening to Itsy Bitsy Freaking Spider, all it takes for me to start cursing under my breath is for someone to put their signal light on at 90 feet out instead of 100 feet.

And then there are the songs or theme music on shows on YouTube and TV that both kids like. I liked the music on Thomas and Friends, Sid the Science Kid, and The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That. The current shows they both watch? For the most part, just no. God no.

Aaaand, thanks to the newish car with satellite radio, Little Man has discovered Kidz Bop, also known as Music Hell. Kidz Bop is where they take popular music and ruin it. Much of the popular music is kind of bad already, but then they take it and make it worse with the crappy singing and such. And Little Man, the child we once bragged about for having excellent taste in music, loves Kidz Bop. (To be fair, he still likes a lot of great stuff, but Kidz Bop has tarnished his reputation.)

I’ve compiled a short list of songs that are driving me nuts right now. It could be longer. A lot longer. But there’s the matter of my laziness and the fact that y’all probably don’t want a doodled list of 1841 songs that are driving me nuts, so I cut it to five.

What song is likely to give you a headache if you have to hear it again?

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Life Goals #1

Netflix marathons are where it’s at, y’all.

And why on earth am I just now getting into Gilmore Girls? I had watched a few episodes before and liked it, but never watched more for some reason. (I probably defaulted back to The Office.) I picked up on it again after Prison Break started sucking. I’m loving it so far!

What’s one of your life goals right now? If you’re kinda lazy like me and don’t have one, then we can just talk about your Netflix preferences. 😉

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#ThingsKidsSay: Don’t Lose Your Top

My family and I went for an overnight stay at the Great Wolf Lodge located fairly close to where we live. If you’ve never been there, it’s an outdoorsy themed water park for kids. Most of the slides and pools and splash pads are indoors, but there are a few things outside, too, for when the weather is warmer.

I love being by the water, but I’m not as much of a fan of getting in. I can swim, but prefer hanging out by the pool or ocean most of the time for reasons. One of these reasons is that sometimes things happen when I’m in the water (whether it’s in the ocean or on a water slide), and these things cause me to have wardrobe malfunctions. It happens to everyone at some point, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had more than my fair share.

The last time I went to Great Wolf Lodge, I had a wardrobe malfunction while riding a slide with Little Man. After much begging, I got on the slide (I really dislike water slides now that I’m older), and then I proceeded to flip on the mat, take a hard hit to the head, and partially lose my bottoms and one of my boobs was well on her way to greeting the world when I got to the bottom. I righted myself, avoided eye contact with the people standing near, and stayed away from that area for the rest of our visit.

So, I have a rule now — no more water slides for me. I’ll gladly stand at the bottom and watch, but I ain’t getting on. Nope, not happening. And Little Man apparently forgot this rule yesterday when he begged me to ride a two-person water ride with him.

Channeling my inner Joey Tribbiani, I told him, “Mommy don’t ride water rides.” (I have no idea why I have to say it in Joey’s “Joey don’t share food” voice, but I do.)

Since the boy rarely takes no for an answer, he tried to change my mind. When I suggested that he find another kid to ride with, he tried to guilt me by suggesting that he could be kidnapped.

I realize after uploading this image that I gave myself a thigh gap, which I don’t have IRL, at all.

I told him I’d take that chance. He cackled and said he’d wait for his dad.

So, are y’all water slide riders? Or do you avoid them because of wardrobe malfunctions, too?

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Netflix Zombies

As new parents might expect, having a little one changes things quite a bit. Well, quite a lot, since there’s the matter of there being a new human in the home who is completely dependent on you. And that child is basically a puke-diarrhea-pee factory who is also the most precious thing on the face of the earth — so you might not mind too much when some of those bodily fluids land on you, or in your mouth (all three categories, both kids — pretty sure a FML was appropriate).

Pre-kids, my husband and I had so much fun together. Sometimes we’d go away for the weekend, but mostly we had our fun hanging out, having deep talks, playing softball, playing chess and card games or video games, having some drinks, and going to football games (and having even more drinks). Typical newlyweds-without-kids stuff.

Now things are different. I know we could still do all of those things. Maybe not the drinking on a regular basis (well, definitely not, because hitting 30 apparently means you get all the heartburn galore from a single drink), but the chess and card games and video games — sure, we could. But we usually don’t. When 10:00 comes, and the last kid is finally down for the night (or, in the case of the toddler, for a few hours), we’ve got about an hour and a half together before my husband lies down. That time is usually spent zoning out to TV because we’re just so damn tired. We do have our dates nights, but half of those are spent getting pizza and watching something on Netflix because, again, tired.

This will change as the kids get older and more independent, but for now, that’s life, and you’ve gotta find the funny in life.

And that brings us to today’s doodle —

Can y’all relate?

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Should’ve Bought The Bread And Milk

The last time the weatherman called for snow, we expected to wake up to a few inches. Instead, there was nothing. Later that morning, we got the smallest of dustings, but that was it. We were pretty disappointed, but not surprised, since in SC, winter isn’t winter so much as it is fall-spring-summer, with a handful of days cold enough to wear a fleece jacket and maybe a day or two where it’s so cold that school is called off. It’s all over the place.

The weatherman has been talking about snow this week, but my part of SC wasn’t expected to get more than a dusting if we were lucky. I didn’t think too much about it because of last time. So, I didn’t join the horde of people at Walmart going on a bread and milk run last night. Nor did I buy booze.

And then I woke up to this.

We’ve gotten about four inches so far, which is the equivalent to 18 inches elsewhere, so boom.

And, as the picture shows, it was mid-70s earlier in the week and now it’s Snowmageddon!

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#ThingsToddlersSay: Feel Better

Kids can be hilarious at times — sometimes it’s intentional, and sometimes it’s not. And sometimes they can do things so sweet that you wonder how you managed to put something so kindhearted into the world. (And, to be fair, you also sometimes wonder how you managed to put little heathens in the world.)

Last Sunday, I wasn’t feeling great — I wasn’t sick, but had some cramping stuff going on and needed to lie down and use the heating pad. Unfortunately, Baby Girl is not a fan of me lying down, ever.

“Mommy, you not go to sleep! You get up and play with me!” the two-year-old tyrant demanded.

When I explained to her that I wasn’t feeling well and needed to lie down and suggested we read, she informed me in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t sick. “Mommy, you not sick. You don’t need the medicine. Please, get up! We go play Peppa and Batman and cook…”

She wasn’t short for ideas of things to do that didn’t include me lying on the heating pad. I thought I had convinced her to go play with her brother or her dad for a bit when she disappeared. A few minutes later, though, she was back carrying a little Halloween bucket that she had gotten from McDonald’s. The doodle below shows the sweet moment that followed.

Gah. My heart immediately melted. I asked my husband if he had suggested doing something to make me feel better, but this one was all on her own. It didn’t matter a bit that it was someone’s leftover bottle of water from the table and stale pretzels and popcorns leftover from a snack — I ate and drank every bit of it. And, yes, I eventually moved to the floor to play (thankfully that heating pad has a heck of a long cord).

What’s something your child has done that made your heart melt?

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Speaking Toddler-ese

On the home from school yesterday, Little Man and I had a conversation about his sister. Little Man was 6 when Baby Girl was born (they’re 9 and 2 now). We talked about her upcoming birthday (which is in June, but I’m already planning), when he commented that he missed the cute things she used to say when she first started talking.

“Do you remember how she used to say, ‘Hey, bo,’ to everyone?” Little Man asked.

I did. We were resigned to the idea, for a time, that it’d be in her destiny to rock pink camo.

“And how about all the crazy words she’d use?” LM asked. “Remember ‘Go-Go’?”

I chuckled. Ah, “Go-Go.” That one took a while to figure out, but eventually we realized she wanted to watch Frozen; specifically, the scene where Elsa sings Let It Go. She later upped the ante by calling every song in the movie “Go-Go,” and you’d have to figure out which song she wanted based on the inflection. I can’t remember it all, but it was something like “Go-Go” meant For The First Time In Forever and “Go-Go-Go” meant Olaf’s song.

I relayed my and Little Man’s discussion to my husband last night, which prompted us to talk about LM’s toddler vocabulary versus Baby Girl’s. LM started talking early — and talked very clearly, I might add —  so rarely were we confused when he’d ask for something. Have a look at some of Little Man’s words:

For the record, we didn’t feed Little Man only cereal when he was young. But, it’s been around 7 to 8 years since he was a toddler, and I’m struggling to think of anything else he called food that was either confusing or funny.

And now for Baby Girl. As you’ve probably gathered from the Go-Go info, the words she used for when she couldn’t say the right word weren’t always as easy to figure out as with Little Man. The easiest we got was her asking for balls, which meant she wanted an orange, an apple, blueberries, or grapes. So, even with that, there was still a bit of trial and error before we gave her the right thing.

Check out some of her more difficult words:

By the way — she still occasionally asks for bites. She does this when she wants something to eat, but doesn’t know what she wants and wants me to offer her a dozen things so she can decide. She’ll also ask for “a that” and expects me to do the same thing.

So, parents/caregivers/people who were once kids — do you have any cute/confusing words to share?

IRS v. PTO

This is one of the first posts on this blog and a repost seemed appropriate since school starts back for kids in our area this week. 

Parents of kids who have been in school — would you rather deal with the IRS or with the PTO?

Hmm?

You probably had to take a second to think about that. Answering questions related to purchases made years ago, deductions made, and other boring nonsense sounds pretty bad. But then you realize that you’re not comparing the IRS to car shopping or signing a million pages in a house closing — you’re comparing it to the PTO (Parent Teacher Organization). At best, that realization gives you a sinking feeling in your stomach. At worst, you might be having some flashbacks and screaming, “No, God, no!” in your head.

The PTO is kind of life the mafia. And the PTO powers that be treat parents like we’re lower tier drug dealers. , and you might start to realize that the IRS isn’t the worst thing in the world.

“Get out there with 50 packs of overpriced M&Ms and don’t come back until they’re gone.”

“Little Peter can only sell 10 tins of popcorn? Get his butt back out in front of the Walmart ’til they’re gone.”

“Each child was supposed to raise $300 for this fundraiser. Your child raised $298.12. You think that’s acceptable?! Hit. The. Streets. Find that money or else!”

Or something like that.

Here’s a nice little comparison of the two organizations. I think we can all agree that the PTO is the worst (assuming you are honest on your taxes, anyway).

(You can zoom in to read the smallish handwriting. Laziness prevented me from redoing it.)

What would you add to the list of crappy things about the PTO?

I should mention that this isn’t representative of the PTO at Little Man’s current school, but definitely matches up with past experiences.

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