Keep Your Glittery Cards And Presents To Yourself

This is a repost from last year, but I feel it is worth sharing again before people start sending out Christmas cards and wrapping presents…

If you’re wrapping gifts or sending Christmas cards that have glitter on them, you need to stop.

Seriously, STOP.

You know what it tells me when someone does the glitter thing? That you hate me. That you want to drive me freaking insane. That you should join the Taliban. That you’re an evil person with no heart.

Glitter is the evil gift that keeps on giving all year. No matter how hard you clean or dust off your clothes, it doesn’t completely go away. In fact, it multiplies. Don’t ask me how glitter procreates, but I’m almost certain that it does.

There has been a piece of glitter somewhere on my face or eye for the past two days that I can’t find. I know it’s there, because when the light hits it a certain way, I can see it glimmer in my peripheral vision. (It’s gold, BTW.) But when I look in a mirror, I can’t find it. (No, I’m NOT crazy…or not in the imagining glimmering light type of way, anyway.) It’ll go away enough, I’m sure hope, but it’s draining me of my Christmas spirit.

I’m officially putting everyone on notice —

If you give me something with glitter, I’m not going to be your friend anymore, and if you’re family, I’ll disown you. I’ll still love you, but I’ll remove you from the Favorites list on my phone and/or I’ll scratch you off my family tree. This is saying you don’t like The Office level bad.

I’ll also get you back. It might not be tomorrow, next week, or even next month, but make no mistake — I’ll exact my revenge. I’ll go buy ten pounds of glitter and throw it on your car after it rains. I’ll slip glitter in your shampoo the next time I visit. I may even go Carrie style and fill a bucket with glitter and rig it to dump on you when you open the door to your home.

Get it? No. More. Glitter.

And with that, Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, everyone. Make your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be glitter-free.

If I start a “BAN GLITTER” petition, who would sign it?

If you haven’t signed up for the raffle to win the  “Don’t Lick That!” eBook, click this link to do so. A few of you made me aware of some issues with the raffle and that your entry didn’t go through, so I added an option at the top where you can enter just by saying you follow the blog. No verification needed. (I don’t know why it’s being buggy, sorry!) 

The preorder for the eBook is live on Amazon for $3.99 and will be available to read on Nov. 28. You can find it here. The paperback is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble  for $14.99 and will ship Nov. 27. 

Author: Erika

I’m a SAHM to two kids. When I’m not doing all the typical mom things (diapers, soccer, etc.), I like writing, reading, and playing games. Clearly I live the life of a rock star.

26 thoughts on “Keep Your Glittery Cards And Presents To Yourself”

  1. I am one of those glitter people! But I also love when someone sends me a Christmas card with glitter on it. Don’t fill the card with glitter but if there’s some on the front I’m so happy!!! I got one last year, and one of my kidlets was with me when I opened it and she took the envelope and dumped the leftover glitter into her braids which stayed there for about a week before her braids were taken out haha!! We are a good match

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Lol that is very very true!! I am a lover of card confetti though! It’s at least bigger and easier to clean up. My dads birthday is on April fools so a few years ago I sent this really nice card but I put stars and lots of little “happy birthday”’s inside of it and he opened it on the couch and it spilled all over him, the dogs, the couch, his breakfast HAHA!!! He opens my mail in the driveway now….

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Here’s my latest gripe about glitter… why is it on front door wreaths? I want a new holiday wreath. I do not want people traipsing into my house with glitter on their shoes and boots. Is this too much to ask? Must my guests look at our front door, then enter the house through the garage so that they arrive glitter-less? You’d think not, but…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s funny because I love glitter. But I absolutely hate those glitter cards! I don’t know if hubs has programmed me finally but I get one and I cringe and contemplate throwing it out immediately. I don’t know what it is about cards, I love the ornaments and the nail polish. But cards are a no go for me

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just can’t stand how it falls everywhere! And I don’t know what happened, but we were putting up our tree last night and after we were finished with ornaments, there was glitter EVERYWHERE. No glitter ornaments, though. Someone must be out to get me.

      Liked by 1 person

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