How To Lose A Mom Friend In 10 Days

Who remembers that awesome romantic comedy How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days from the early 2000s? For those of you who didn’t see it, it had Kate Hudson and Matthew McSexy McConaughey and showed their two characters doing everything they could to drive away the other as part of a bet. (They ultimately fell for each other, of course.) I was thinking about this movie the other day when my brain did its thing, jumped to a dozen other things, and then came back to thinking, “How to Lose a Mom Friend in 10 Days would be funny…ooh, blog post!”

So here we are.

Do you have a mom friend in your life that you’re getting kind of sick of? Breaking up is hard to do, especially when it comes to “friends.” Being direct about this sort of thing is tough, and if they aren’t picking up on your Vaguebook posts, you might want to think about stepping up your game. Here are a few ways to say, “I hate you” and lose that mom friend in 10 days or less. (And, no, there will be no falling for each other.)

Buy Their Kids Shitty Gifts

Certain gifts are universally hated by parents. I found this out the hard way before I had kids when I gave a young child a Play-doh set for Christmas. His mom asked — in a not-so-joking tone — what she had done to piss me off. I was confused, since Play-doh is awesome, but I’ve since learned that many parents share her belief that Play-doh is the devil.

In case your mom friend is anything like me and actually wants Play-doh sets gifted to her kids, then consider buying something that is super loud and annoying. If the kid is a baby, this damn dog is pretty much the perfect “I hate you” gift:

Little Man had one of these, and I swear, the thing was possessed. It played music even after we turned it off. We both swear that we heard it making noise one night after we removed the batteries, too. Giving someone that dog will make them automatically reevaluate their life and the choices they’ve made.

If you don’t think Play-doh or toys like that damn dog will do the trick, then just give the kid a box of glitter. Fair warning — the mom friend you’re trying to dump may assault you over this.

Host a Crappy mom Night

I know what you’re thinking — “Why the hell would I want to invite Mrs. Annoying over to my house and spend more time around here?” It could work, though, if you do it right.

Promise a mom’s night that will put all other mom’s nights to shame. Sell the hell out of entertainment and booze. Who can say “no” to that (unless you live in the Bible belt like I do)? Obviously, though, your definition of entertainment is going to greatly differ from the typical’s persons definition of entertainment.

As far as booze goes, break out bottles of Boone’s Farm wine or Aristocrat vodka. Do not, under any circumstance, include mixer for that vodka.

Finger Roll Them

Okay, so Daddy Finger Rolling someone sounds weird as hell, but I think most of y’all probably get what I’m referring to. (Or maybe not, because I’m weird and often snicker at lame stuff that no one else finds funny…like maybe this whole post.) Remember the whole Rickrolling thing that was popular a few years ago, when people would trick someone into going to a YouTube video of Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up? (Little Man loves that song, by the way.)

One of the top priorities of the parent of a toddler is to keep them from seeing the Daddy Finger videos on YouTube. They’re awful, there’s no end to how many shitty videos there are, and the kids love them. They are the absolute fastest way to getting a migraine.

Text the mom when the kid isn’t asleep and tell them you’ve discovered an awesome new educational video that will make their kid’s IQ skyrocket. When she opens the link, the Daddy Finger song will begin blaring, and as long as the kid is within a 100-yard radius of the phone, he’ll hear it and come running. The mom will spend the next hour watching horrible video after video and will have to listen to the kid beg for it at least 10 times an hour for the next month.

Custom RingTone

If all else fails, there’s one thing you can do to make that mom friend know how much you want to break up with her without having to say it — give her a personalized ringtone. Go with something like Bitch by Meredith Brooks or Asshole Song by Jimmy Buffet. Tell the mom that the ringer on your phone is acting glitchy and ask her to call it so you can test it out.

If she doesn’t take the hint after that, then you’re stuck with her for life.


Obviously this is just a jokey post that no one would ever do (except use Aristocrat vodka because you’re a cheapskate), but if you were going to drive someone away, what’s a funny way you’d it?

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Author: Erika

I’m a SAHM to two kids. When I’m not doing all the typical mom things (diapers, soccer, etc.), I like writing, reading, and playing games. Clearly I live the life of a rock star.

79 thoughts on “How To Lose A Mom Friend In 10 Days”

    1. It’s just the worst. Some of them have a bunch of Disney characters while someone sings the song in an awful high pitched voice, soooo many like that.

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      1. It can’t be! But they are all foreign made videos and anytime one gets banned, a hundred replace it. It’s all connected with that Elsagate stuff, although I know it isn’t all bad. But I have no idea how all that flies, especially when some of those really freaky kid videos feature Spidey and other famous characters.

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  1. That damn dog toy would do it for me.

    My husband always picks out the WORST toys to gift little kids. Like, things they’ll love but their parents will hate. I make him put them back, and he’s always like, “Isn’t the point to make the kid happy?” My response, without fail, is “the POINT is not to have these parents retaliating against us when our kid is born.”

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hahahaha! Your response is hilarious!

      I take comfort in knowing that non-battery powered toys are better for my kid’s creativity, so if I have to say “no” to something she wants like that, it’s for both of our benefit 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Want to give a kid a horrible gift…Finger paint with LOTS of paper (like a roll of butcher paper). However, I personally love “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks…make that my ring tone all day long. I own that sh*t! lol Your posts are Great!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I pulled that one up yesterday…in front of my kids. Thankfully they were WTF and didn’t like it. The girl asked if we could watch something good, but no, because I’m an evil YouTube nazi 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    1. That reminds me of the makeup kit I bought my then 3-year-old. I realized very quickly how much someone would hate me if I bought that. The mess, whew.

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      1. Haha! Mine dug her fingernail in the eye/lip stuff (pretty sure it was all the same material) and smeared it all over her face. It didn’t take long for it to “disappear”

        Liked by 1 person

  3. 🤣🤣🤣 I’m dying over here.

    Moms Night out with boones farm is just like… wow I would have to call you out on it haha. But that karaoke playlist I would KILL IT and not understand why you weren’t enjoying it.

    Whenever I meet a parent who hasn’t had the pleasure of their child watching the Daddy Finger videos I show it to them. Or highly recommend it. I feel like it’s a tribe right of parents? We should all suffer the same things. Have you heard the Johnny Johnny song? It’s not as painful until your child yells it everything shes trying to scold you.

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    1. I have a love/hate with playdoh. It doesn’t bother me, just Emma mixes all the colors together. I would much rather have glitter haha. But yes if you give us crappy gifts that break immediately I silently judge you and remember that when gift exchanges come around. I have a Sheldon complex. Gifts of equal value.

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    2. LOL!

      Oh yes, that song is so damn creepy! And then the weird voices make it even worse. I got all paranoid a year or two ago when Elsagate broke out and banned all the kiddie videos. Best decision I ever made, even if I am a tinfoil hatter 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I WANT your ringtone for me to be Bitch. Yes ma’am.
    Otherwise, these are great!
    Bubba had a toy called Bubba once. It was some damn monster bear dog thing that played games with him. Most obnoxious fucking toy ever. It, too, played itself, even in the night. We threw it away at a rest stop in Tennessee. “Awwww! Musta lost it somewhere on the trip!”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am new to blogging (just posted my first one today)! This blog is the first one I came across while searching for like-minded bloggers and I think I died twice reading this. “Daddy Finger Rolling” and Rick Astley had be in tears! We are battling the Fortnite plague right now in my house, but during a conversation with my 10 year old I mentioned that I thought he was forgetting about me because he was so involved with Fortnite. He responded by singing “Never gonna give you up…” This was a good read for sure.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. OMG “finger roll” bwhahahahahaha …. In our house it’s that “Johnny Jonny Yes Papa, eating sugar? No papa” that is the bane of my existence. And for K’s 3rd birthday a friend gave us a BIG box of tiny LEGOS. I was just like…What have I done to deserve this? Does she secretly hate me? She has two kids! She knows this is a ridiculous gift!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. WTH is the point of that song even?!

      LOL! There is a toy mat that you can open out in the floor to put toys (preferably legos) on that has a drawstring you can pull to easily close that works great for stuff like this.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. A company that makes those contacted me about sharing it. Stowey Joey or something like that. But I only put stuff on the blog that I’ve actually personally used and they weren’t sending them out so that’s as far as that got lol.
        Also, I’d need one that covers the whole darn room. He throws legos more than builds with them 😂

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