That Time I Wanted To Be Like Buffy The Vampire Slayer

There was a time when I wanted to be like Katniss Everdeen. There was another time when I wanted to be like Lance Armstrong. And yet another time when I wanted to be like Meg Ryan. If you’ve read those posts or at least somewhat know me, then you know that none of those attempts went well. And before all of those mishaps, there was the time that I wanted to be like Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer is one of my all-time favorite shows. (And curse you, Netflix, for removing it and taking away my instant access to the Scooby Gang.) I love the story lines, the dialogue, the kick ass female roles, the wonderful, witty Joss Whedon brand of humor. And Angel — oh my. Aside from what happened to Joyce Summers, there wasn’t much to dislike about that show.

In 1998, my dorky high school freshman self had one goal, aside from marrying one of the Hanson brothers — to be like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This was rather problematic, though, as we had nothing in common —

I was not to be deterred, though. (And not being deterred is basically the root of all of my mishaps.) One day I was flipping through a magazine when I saw my Buffy connection: her signature black boots. Well, boots that looked like her signature black boots, anyway. Those went on my Christmas list that year, along with requests for various band t-shirts, a combination safe, and the Buffy the Vampire Slayer soundtrack. I later realized that a black leather jacket would help pull off the Buffy vibe, so I added that. I briefly considered adding a crossbow to the list, but figured that wouldn’t fly.

(For the record, I’ve since made plans to purchase a crossbow, but my husband vetoed it. He thinks it wouldn’t end well. Party pooper.)

I didn’t get the jacket (I purchased that on my own later) or the combination safe, but I did get the black boots, soundtrack, and some other stuff. I was happier than a kid on Christmas. Oh, wait! (Yeah, that was corny.) After we finished opening presents, I dashed off to my room to try on the $40 fake leather high heel boots that came up just a few inches below my knee. After I zipped them up, I stood up, looked down, and admired myself.

Dorky pajamas + slayer boots = high fashion.

I know what you guys are thinking — you only wish you looked this cool in high school!

Or not.

Naturally, my next step was to parade myself back to the living room and show off my boots. And this is where things got dicey.

So, in addition to not being very coordinated, I had also never worn high heels, and the heels on those boots must have been three inches. Attempting to walk in heels when you’ve never done so and aren’t coordinated results in walking like you’re drunk, and this is the sort of thing that really cramps the style of an aspiring vampire slayer.

After some stumbling around, I made it back out to the living room, showed off the boots and mentioned how much I liked them, and went back to my room, where I took off the boots and silently fumed over how much I sucked at walking. (The lack of walking abilities still causes me to fume 19 years later.) Throughout the rest of Christmas break, my routine was to put on the boots, practice walking, throw them in the back of the closet in a fit of rage, and repeat.

Considering that I still walked very much like a drunk in my boots, the smart thing to do would have been to not wear them out in public, right? Trying telling that to 15-year-old me. When the first day of school after winter break came around, I was determined to show off my boots. Much like Rudy believed in himself, I believed that somehow, if I had my chance to show off my boots, that I’d do them proud. My feet and legs and sense of equilibrium would magically come together and I would carve out my place in history.

Since we lived at the end of a really long driveway, my grandmother would drive us to the end to wait on the bus in the mornings. When she saw me stumbling in her back door, she suggested that I wear my sneakers. I insisted that I could walk just fine — a phrase I would come to repeat quite often during my rum drinking sessions as an adult — and kept them on.

When the school bus rolled up, I slung my Eastpak backpack over my shoulder and tried to walk up to the bus as smoothly as possible.

And then I had to go up the rather steep bus steps. This is where things went south:

Yep, I fell up the bus, so to speak. After I got up and got myself together, I did a short walk of shame to my seat, where I tried to ignore the snickers and guffaws, and told myself the rest of the day would go better.

It. Did. Not.

I did make it off the bus, but I stumbled all over the halls of that damn high school. Wearing those high heel boots to school is probably one of the top regrets of my life, right behind getting the same haircut of the chick with the short hair from the first season of Survivor. (Y’all, I had serious haircut issues back in the day.) At the end of the day, when it was time to go home, I made it up the bus steps without falling again, but I’m sad to say that I didn’t make it back off in the same fashion:

The boots were put back in the box. They were rather scuffed, so there was no way I could take them back, either. Over the next few years, I’d dig the box out every so often and put them on, hoping that I’d magically be able to walk in those heels, but that never happened. Eventually the box disappeared, and I assume that my grandmother must have donated them to Goodwill.

Let’s all take a moment and raise a pretend glass for my dead slayer dreams.

Who did you idolize in high school?

Advertisements

Author: Erika

I’m a SAHM to two kids. When I’m not doing all the typical mom things (diapers, soccer, etc.), I like writing, reading, and playing games. Clearly I live the life of a rock star.

24 thoughts on “That Time I Wanted To Be Like Buffy The Vampire Slayer”

  1. Being a sports nut (mostly baseball) I idolized pitchers. Nolan Ryan and Orel Hershiser (of the ’88 Dodgers) were my two faves. But they didn’t cause me dress funny or act weird. I just did that naturally. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. While I was beyond high school… I wanted to Piper Halliwell. I wanted her ability to freeze people in time. And her ability to make them go away *permanently* so to speak. Plus that house…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You had me at Hanson! I wanted to be cool like them – wasn’t happening! I got as far as painting my nails in all sorts of odd colors, like bright green 🤦🏽‍♀️ My older brother drove me about 5 hours from where we lived because they were going to be at the Jingle Ball one year. We had the best time. They were recently on GMA, haven’t changed not one bit – except that they’re older, married, with 5+ kids each I believe – ok they have changed! It was nice to hear MMMbop all these years later! 🎼 My heart jumped like it did when I was a teenage girl buying all things Hanson. 😊 If only there were bands today like there was back then worth following – for my kids sake! Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am still rather Hanson obsessed! I went to their concert last September, and it was amazing. Issac leaned over and jammed with my son, who was in the first row (his first concert). They’ve put out some awesome music over the years. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. 😲 I’m a little jealous! A little! How exciting! I didn’t know they were touring but that GMA appearance showed they still got it! And they’re still young! I’m so glad they’re married with children – not so glad it didn’t work out between Taylor and I 😏🤷🏽‍♀️🤣

        Liked by 1 person

      2. They had their Middle of Everywhere tour, playing a sampling of everything off past albums to celebrate their 25 years since forming (or 20 since mmmbop came out). They are working on another album and tour now re-recording their music and adding orchestra to it! It sounds like it’s gonna be pretty cool.

        Haha!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Tell him you want to spend $100 on tickets for the concert. When he reacts, say, “Well, if you think it’d be a better idea, I could just buy the CD that’s $10 and maybe do the concert another year.” B-)

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I still want to be like Buffy. But a more manly version. I’ll be Spike. After he got his soul back.
    I own it all on DVD, you can’t trust Netflix with something that important.
    Shame about the crossbow, You could have stumbled in the boots and accidentally kneecapped somebody. That would have been funny. And potentially tragic.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve done the falling in boots thing a couple of times myself, and I wasn’t even trying to be anybody! Most recently was a few years ago when I fell and hit my face on the sidewalk resulting in a black eye from my sunglasses gouging into my cheek. Fortunately for me it wasn’t in front of a bunch of idiot school kids who would make fun of me.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I LOVED that show. Angel was great…in Buffy and then in “Angel”. If you don’t already watch it, David Boreanaz is pretty bad-a** in SEAL Team. He may not longer be a vampire, but he is still hella hot.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Haha! Excellent.

    I wanted to be Avril Lavigne. I kitted myself out with baggy jeans, white vests, dozens of sweat bands and stud bracelets, and best of all a bright pink tie to wear over the white vest. I desperately wanted poker straight hair like she had as well but this was before I discovered straighteners and my hair is naturally curly, damn it.

    So cool!

    Liked by 1 person

Write some words, yo.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s