Please Stop Talking, Little Man

Before I get into the post, I hope everyone had a nice Christmas and New Year! Ours went well, although the house still hasn’t quite recovered from the Christmas presents tornado. We’re getting there, though. The day after Christmas, I got some great news — after initially being denied for my cochlear implant by the insurance company, it was approved after my doctor talked to them. Yay! Surgery is a little over two weeks away.

And now for the post.

Taking Little Man to the doctor always gives me anxiety. Always. It’s not so much that I’m worried about something being wrong with him so much as I’m worried about what he’s going to say. (Considering that this is coming from someone with an anxiety disorder who gets on WebMD way too much, this is saying something.) He has quite a knack for saying bizarre (although sometimes hilarious) things and for making us sound like we’re coming in dead last for the Parents of the Year Award.

This post has a few of his little moments…

Dammit, Little Man, you had half of a burrito! A burrito! I can see where a four-year-old might get the two words confused, but still, that is significantly more food than half of a stinking chip. And it was your choice to only eat half of your burrito, by the way.

This one was also when he was four, but he still believes this. Despite telling me about dreams and grumbling over being woken up, he still believes that he doesn’t sleep at night. No amount of telling him that he’s asleep when I check on him will sway him. He has recently started talking about getting up at 3 AM to walk around during the Devil’s Hour to see if there’s anything evil happening. As someone with insomnia, I can tell you that’s not happening, either.

So, is that why you beg me to take you to McDonald’s three times per week, because you’re about that healthy lifestyle? I don’t think so. But thanks for making it sound like all I do is feed you kids junk food.

Oops, I have a double arm. Not fixing it.

He told the optometrist that he was certain about having X-ray vision, by the way. This was a few months ago. The optometrist didn’t push the matter.

The doctor about hit the ceiling and so did I. He left with a lecture and a printout of about a dozen pages on the dangers of smoking. We got home and I pulled up pictures and videos of lungs, cancer, etc. to scare him. He later said it was just a joke. As he would say now, “Ya got trolled, bro!” (Thanks, YouTube.)

The assistant assured him that everything was clean, but he still narrowed his eyes and gave her a suspicious look. He later questioned why they put books and magazines in the exam rooms and suggested that they just wanted to make people sicker. I’ve often wondered that myself, especially at pediatric offices where toys are available for the kids to play with.

Little Man has a hangup over restrooms. This has led to certain health issues that I’m not going in to here for his privacy, but those health issues aside, his commentary was pretty funny. After discussing some things, Little Man went on a rant about public restrooms. He hates them. I get this, because I hate them, too, but usually you wouldn’t expect that from a little boy.

Suggestions to line the toilet seat or to clean it with Lysol wipes weren’t well received.

He also lines the toilet seat at home. Thankfully he skips lining the floor.

I think you might be contributing to the problem, kid.

This was to a new specialist he saw a couple weeks ago. My husband took him to this appointment and said that she didn’t skip a beat.

What embarrassing thing has your kid said at the doctor’s office?

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Author: Erika

I’m a SAHM to two kids. When I’m not doing all the typical mom things (diapers, soccer, etc.), I like writing, reading, and playing games. Clearly I live the life of a rock star.

23 thoughts on “Please Stop Talking, Little Man”

  1. Im glad the Doc convinced them to give you the implant, how great!
    My son also has gone on about 3am being the devils hour. Lol
    When the Dr. asks how many hours hes in front of a screen he always says. “All day. Im going to be a You tuber” I then have to tell the Dr. That while its more than 2hrs, it is no where near all day! Its a task, but I do get him outside to play. Haha

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For real!

      I wonder where they even heard of the Devil’s Hour thing. I remember my grandma saying something about it back in the day, but that’s it.

      Haha! LM is all about wanting to be a YouTuber, too. He posted his first video last night, so it should be interesting to see how that goes. He realized it’s harder than it looks, with planning, editing, etc., so I’m hoping he’ll push himself with it and maybe carry over some organization to the rest of his life lol


      1. That would be great if it helps contribute to his life in such a positive way. I keep telling my son, “Yes you can be anything you want, but maybe you can have a backup to being a YouTuber, like Youtubing Doctor, or Youtubing Mechanic.” Lol
        He rolls his eyes.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I so lol’d and lol’d over this! I’m with you!
    Tops would be Bubba, age six, “I pee all the time. I bet I pee every hour or half hour.” Flash to him getting his blood drawn for diabetes. He SO did not pee every hour. *rolls eyes*
    Then, I’d have to say Sassy’s answer to “How’s your diet?” She said, “It’s awful! It’s plant-based and there’s not enough chicken!”
    But they ALL have said some weird stuff. Moo says a lot of off color stuff, and LOUDLY. Omaword. “I’ll pull up my pants, but I’m not takin em off. You can see my knees with my pants on. Stay there.” Modest Moo is modest.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Apparently the superpower he almost got was being fast like Flash. And when asked what he’d do with that superpower, he told the doctor that he’d use it to play video games super fast so he can play all the games he wants since we don’t let him play enough.


  3. Congrats on the implants!!
    I don’t have a doctor story, but the Dude once told a whole group in an elevator, who kindly asked him if he had gotten too cold in the pool at the beach since his teeth were chattering, that being cold didn’t hurt anything except his penis.

    Liked by 1 person

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