Can We Just Stop With The Glitter, Already?!

If you’re wrapping gifts or sending Christmas cards that have glitter on them, you need to stop.

Seriously, STOP.

You know what it tells me when someone does the glitter thing? That you hate me. That you want to drive me freaking insane. That you should join the Taliban. That you’re an evil person with no heart.

Glitter is the evil gift that keeps on giving all year. No matter how hard you clean or dust off your clothes, it doesn’t completely go away. In fact, it multiplies. Don’t ask me how glitter procreates, but I’m almost certain that it does.

There has been a piece of glitter somewhere on my face or eye for the past two days that I can’t find. I know it’s there, because when the light hits it a certain way, I can see it glimmer in my peripheral vision. (It’s gold, BTW.) But when I look in a mirror, I can’t find it. (No, I’m NOT crazy…or not in the imagining glimmering light type of way, anyway.) It’ll go away enough, I’m sure hope, but it’s draining me of my Christmas spirit.

I’m officially putting everyone on notice —

If you give me something with glitter, I’m not going to be your friend anymore, and if you’re family, I’ll disown you. I’ll still love you, but I’ll remove you from the Favorites list on my phone and/or I’ll scratch you off my family tree. This is saying you don’t like The Office level bad.

I’ll also get you back. It might not be tomorrow, next week, or even next month, but make no mistake — I’ll exact my revenge. I’ll go buy ten pounds of glitter and throw it on your car after it rains. I’ll slip glitter in your shampoo the next time I visit. I may even go Carrie style and fill a bucket with glitter and rig it to dump on you when you open the door to your home.

Get it? No. More. Glitter.

And with that, Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays, everyone. Make your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be glitter-free.

Author: Erika

I’m a SAHM to two kids. When I’m not doing all the typical mom things (diapers, soccer, etc.), I like writing, reading, and playing games. Clearly I live the life of a rock star.

31 thoughts on “Can We Just Stop With The Glitter, Already?!”

  1. Glitter is indeed evil. On a more serious note there are calls for it to be banned due to the environmental damage it causes – a whole nursery chain in the UK has already stopped using it (that’s nursery as in “Kindergarten”, not plants).
    On the flip side, it’s sooo pretty 🙂

    I hope you, your hubbie, LM and BG have a wonderful Christmas 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What I wouldn’t give for it to be banned here. Although, I rarely see the kids come home with it, usually just cards, wrapping paper, and occasionally toys other people buy.

      Thanks, and happy Christmas to you, too!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I felt the same way about glitter for the longest time. My daughter would put it on everything and it got everywhere. Then one day I was working a murder case (I am a retired homicide detective) where I had a suspect arrested on a murder, but had no idea who the accomplice was. I brought in a couple of their known associates who denied being with in the morning when the murder occurred. But as it turned out, glitter does not lie. The girl I spoke and the suspect had the same glitter on their clothes. She then confessed to being with him in the morning when the murder happened. I love glitter now. – Robert

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Do you mean Hanson as in “Mmmbop” Hanson? Because that’s the greatest song of all time. I find it’s also the perfect answer to all the world’s problems. Except maybe glitter. Try to avoid Disney princess dolls at all cost if you hate it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s the one. They’ve been recording ever since and have some great stuff. So eff the haters 😉

      Thankfully so far the only princesses my daughter likes are Princess Leia and Princess Diana 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I so agree. I wrote a post about glitter not long ago. My niece got married and had the great idea to give some 50 people glitter bombs to shoot at the couple when they got into their car. We spent the next hour completely and unsuccesfully trying to get that stuff off the sidewalk. It truly is the Satan’s Dust.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Merry Christmas!

    (One year I organized holiday cards to be signed by our management team at work and they had glitter…. I didn’t realize how much… after each member of the team signed the cards – around 40 cards -, they reached asked who thought glitter was a good idea hahaha)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Totally, glitter is terrible. I wish my 4yo would understand that!!! And also … my idea of hanging Christmas cards over a wide doorway was killed after I knocked a glittery one and got a very sparkly shower…. UGH!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. lmao – by the way…I left my browser up and my 16 year-old read your blog (the one about the pancakes). I walked in on her literally laughing out loud “This is SOMEONE’s blog?” she asked. I confirmed. I’ve been trying to convince her to start a blog because you can literally talk about anything. You helped me prove this point lol – no shade whatsoever 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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