I’m Having A Hot Flash WHERE?

People with anxiety disorder know how it is — the least little thing can mean impending doom health-wise. Headaches are brain tumors, stomach pain from that questionable taco you ate could be cancer. Bluish colored streaks on one’s neck are only God knows what, but surely awful (or it could be getting your recently dyed hair wet).

Several months ago, I was driving to pick up Baby Girl from preschool when my bottom suddenly felt hot all over. Alarmed, I tried to feel around to see if I was suddenly bleeding out or something. That would be bad, because not only would I be bleeding out, the car seat in my husband’s car had been dismantled because Baby Girl had puked all over it the night before. As such, my husband would have no way of getting her because I’d be at the hospital with the non-puked on car seat. Shit!

After swerving off the side of the road and determining that there was no blood, I continued panicking. Why was my butt having a hot flash? Was I on the verge of death, or maybe it was something less serious, like experiencing a side effect of one of my medications? Or maybe I had an infection that I would have to figure out how to deal with on my own, since there was no way I was going to a doctor to discuss an infected butt region.

I freaked out some more, trying to come up with more explanations for my bottom being hot all over. I debated on going into a gas station bathroom, which I rarely do because that definitely makes me feel like I’m dying (seriously, I’d rather risk an accident than use most public restrooms), and checking myself out. Maybe I could use my phone camera to get a good look, only what if I accidentally hit the wrong button and went live on Facebook or something? Gah.

And then it hit me — we have the ability to heat the seats in our car. Being someone who suffers from chronic swampassitis for 6 or 7 months of the year (screw you, humid South Carolina), and having only bought the car a few months earlier at the beginning of the swampassitis season, I had never used that option. And I probably never will. So, maybe it wasn’t that I was dying, but that my husband had turned on the thing that heats the seats.

I called my husband. “How do I check to see if the heated seat thing is on in the car? Is there a button or something?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” he said. “I turned it on. The button is underneath the radio and all that stuff.” I found it, saw the green light was lit, and turned it off. The heat on my bottom quickly went away. Crisis diverted — Baby Girl could be picked up and I wouldn’t have to go to the ER to discuss my hot (for once in my life) ass.

Have you ever gone into crisis mode over something silly?

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Author: Erika

I’m a SAHM to two kids. When I’m not doing all the typical mom things (diapers, soccer, etc.), I like writing, reading, and playing games. Clearly I live the life of a rock star.

42 thoughts on “I’m Having A Hot Flash WHERE?”

  1. I was over here ROLLIN, cause girl, we are so afflicted the same! And in total mom fashion, you’re worried about the freakin car seat and not your incredible blood loss! And that camera-as-mirror thing, you know it! Be scrollin along on your Facebook, stop to pick up your coffee, and when you turn back, YOU’RE ABOUT TO GO LIVE! What in THE Hell?!?!?
    Hilarious post is sadly relatable, but still hilarious!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. LOL very funny. Our car has the heat warmers and I LOVE them! Wish I had had them when I was taking the kids to school on those cold mornings when I had to dress like Nanook of the North! I could totally see how you might be concerned about such things.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The day after my husband and I started dating, he totally turned on the seat warmer without me knowing. I was getting really uncomfortable and he was cackling before finally relenting and turning it off. I married him anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. a friend’s mom once got in their new car while seven/eight months pregnant and her husband had turned the seat heater on, she thought her water had broke! lol


  5. I love these doodles!! Some of your funniest yet!!
    Usually I’ve gotten anxiety thinking I got my period when I’m about an hour from the nearest tampon, lol. And it ends up just being swampassitis. (That’s a thing, right?!)


  6. Just the other day, we were in the car and all of a sudden my bum started feeling hot and I was like “why is My butt getting warm?” My husband started laughing cause he had purposely turned my seat heater on as a joke… silly man

    Liked by 1 person

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