No Health For You

There are lots of ways that you can piss off your kids. Tell them that screen time is over for the day. Mention that bath time or bedtime is just around the corner. Announce that no more fun will be had until the toys are picked up and the house doesn’t look like a tornado came through.

All of these things will certainly make little tempers flare and have them shooting daggers at you, but wanna know the worst thing you can do? Offer them something healthy when they ask for a snack — they’ll treat this as the ultimate act of betrayal, one that is worthy of a spot in the ninth circle of hell.

Now I much prefer snacks of the non-healthy variety, too. My “never saw a gap” thighs can attest to that. However, most of my non-healthy snacks are consumed after the kids go to bed, in an effort to minimize the bad example I set for the kids. Unfortunately, Little Man is catching on to that. He once mentioned how unfair it is that the parents get to stay up and watch TV and eat junk food after he goes to bed. Dude, I just listened to 10 hours of nonstop chatter about Pokemon, Minecraft, Peppa Pig, and farts — you really wanna talk about unfair?

For the record, I’m not a total junk food Nazi; as evidenced by Baby Girl’s love of popsicles, they get sweets. Maybe too many sometimes, especially if we’re going to Chick-Fil-A with their amazing ice cream and follow that up with a trip to Walmart, land of the free cookies. But I do try to make sure that most of their food doesn’t have a lot of added sugar and actually has some nutrients, which makes me a bit of an asshole mom in their eyes.

Despite being pretty reasonable, both kids still try to find a way around the rules (pretty sure they’re hard-wired to do so). Sometimes they think whining will do the trick, which is annoying, but other times their attempts are rather humorous.

This one is from when Little Man was around age 4.

No beating around the bush with him!

Last week, Baby Girl went at it from a different angle.

Nice try, Baby Girl. If only!

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Author: Erika

I’m a SAHM to two kids. When I’m not doing all the typical mom things (diapers, soccer, etc.), I like writing, reading, and playing games. Clearly I live the life of a rock star.

30 thoughts on “No Health For You”

  1. I just went to DQ last night while my husband put my oldest to bed. She asked where I was going and instead of lying I told her how sometimes when she goes to bed we go to the store and get special treats so we don’t have to share with you! haha she thought it was super unfair.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m an asshole mom, too, but not as often as I should be. This mom thing is hard. And cookies are the path of least resistance. I have the added problem, too, that my kids are getting into the tweenage phase no so during the summer, they don’t go to bed nearly as early as I need them to if I am to keep up with my trashy tv and junk food.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! They’re crimping your style. My oldest likes to stay up a bit later than the youngest, but he reads so at least he isn’t getting in the way of whatever the latest Netflix obsession is.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey, that doodle has a thigh gap! πŸ˜‰ Just kidding ya. Your kids are smaaaart, especially BG! Bending the rules big time…. Around here, we make homemade popsicles with fruit (and sometimes coconut milk), so it’s technically healthy, right? But my 18mo pretty much lives on animal crackers (cookies!) as her snack, so…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. πŸ˜€ They keep me on my toes for sure! That sounds yummy. Haha, I think I could live on animal crackers, too. Neither of the kids like them, but somehow they end up in the pantry once per month anyway.


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