The Buns and Guns Challenge

I don’t have buns.

I don’t have guns.

And I most certainly don’t have abs.

But, I am told that I could have these things if I complete a 30-day challenge called Buns, Guns, and Abs Challenge. Considering that my rapper name is Fluff Mama and that I’m too heavy to fly like Wonder Woman, I’m pretty sure that no 30-day challenge will make these mythical muscles appear, but stranger things have happened.

My husband is the one who asked me to participate in the Buns and Guns Challenge. (I think we can all agree that the challenge sounds better when you leave out the word “abs.”) We’re attempting to lose weight make better lifestyle choices, and part of that includes doing things that the Couch Potato Olympics Committee frowns upon — moving.

Not moving equals happiness to sloth-like creatures.

A couple days ago, my husband approached me about the challenge. After talking about exercises and muscles for a few minutes, which I mostly tuned out, he told me, “The first day is easy. And then it goes up a little in intensity each day. Want to do it with me?”

“Yeah, okay,” I said, without one iota of enthusiasm. I really just wanted him to stop naming muscles, plus he did say that it started out easy.

Easy.

Ha.

I’m 33. By now I’ve been around the block enough times that I should know that any time I think, “That sounds easy enough,” that it won’t be. Baking brownies out of the box — easy, right? Unless you’re me. Tying a basic braid in my daughter’s hair, walking, parking in an empty lot, and applying eyeliner also aren’t easy. Despite my best efforts, my body is determined to make me look like a spaz whenever possible.

On the first night of the challenge, my husband told me that I had to do ten squats, ten push-ups, and ten leg lifts. That really does sound easy. It should be easy. I thought, “Yeah, I got this.” A few squats later, I found out that I definitely didn’t have this.

Before getting pregnant with Baby Girl, I did a HIIT workout while trying to lose weight. (If you’re not the math sort, Baby Girl is almost three, so between that and 9 months of pregnancy, that means that the last time I did this was almost four years ago.) Anyway, I killed the squats back then. But not that night. My thighs and knees — which are certainly used to getting up and down all day long — betrayed me.

My legs were like…

Admittedly, this looks more like I’m dancing a jig than doing squats.

(Since I started writing this post and completed another day of the challenge, my husband has pointed out that I was doing the squats wrong and was doing them in a way that made it more difficult. Doing them right was easier, so that makes me feel a little better.)

Next were the leg lifts. They seemed pretty easy until my husband told me to lift slowly, hold my legs in place, and lower them slowly — apparently flailing your legs all over the place doesn’t count. Doing them right involved using my nonexistent core muscles, so after five of those, my core was like…

The last part was push-ups. I have always sucked at push-ups, even when I was at a perfectly normal weight (as I discovered many years later) and fairly athletic. My arms just do not like pushing up my body for some reason. They don’t like pulling up my body, either, so chin-ups in gym class back in the day didn’t happen much, either. Heaven forbid I fall face first into a pile of snow one day, because I guarantee that unless my body gets one of those “lift the car off the child” adrenaline rushes, I’ll perish.

As you’ve probably guessed by now, the whole time I did those push-ups, my arms were like…

(Despite my history with push-ups and my arms cursing me, they were the easiest part of the challenge on that day, so maybe all that hauling around Baby Girl has done my arms some good.)

When we were finished my husband pulled out his phone and showed me the rest of the challenge. He told me that by the end of 30 days, I’ll be able to do 100 squats, 40 push-ups, and 100 leg lifts. We’ll see. For the record, we won’t see in 30 days, since I’m sticking with day one for a few more days to work on my form, so maybe in 100 days we’ll see.

Want to participate in the Buns and Guns Challenge? Knock yourself out. (Also, zoom in, because I started writing smaller halfway through for some reason.)

So, are you in? Or do you want to retain the right to make self-depracating jokes about your fluffy body?

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Author: Erika

I’m a SAHM to two kids. When I’m not doing all the typical mom things (diapers, soccer, etc.), I like writing, reading, and playing games. Clearly I live the life of a rock star.

35 thoughts on “The Buns and Guns Challenge”

  1. Hahaha. Your breakdown chart of the challenge sounds on point!

    For the record, I think it’s admirable to give the challenge a chance. And perfectly acceptable to repeat day 1 several times for form and to get used to the movements. Even if the challenge is intended to gradually increase the reps, you still have a say about modifying it for yourself. If it’s been quite a while since you’ve worked out, it might be good to go slow at first. Don’t need to pull muscles and injure yourself. 😉

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    1. Thanks!

      For sure. I’m sure that had I tried to do the squats the way I was doing them — and at a much higher number — that I’d have pulled something in my knee. I need to add some stretches beforehand. I did all of the exercises for today, but broke it up into two parts to make it easier on me. At least I got them in, though!

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  2. Sounds painful. Those are exercises I absolutely despise. I love your chart!!!! I know when I first started exercising after being inactive for like a gazillion years, I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack and drown in the pool. 2 months later, I am still swimming and can do about 50 laps without too much trouble. I usually have to stop because I have to get out and pee. It’s amazing how fast your bodily acclimates.. Good luck! I can’t wait to see how this plays out.

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    1. Thanks! They’re so boring, too, but I guess most exercises for adults are. Too bad they don’t have adult-size playgrounds and bounce houses and all that.

      Good for you! By the way…when are you finishing the A-Z Challenge? 😉

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  4. LOVE the chart!
    I don’t do ab things. I got broken abs, yo.
    I do stretching, basic gym class stuff, and plies (ballet squats) pretty much every single day. Sometimes I do yoga or pilates, but I gotta stretch every day or my arthritis will make me hate myself. If I don’t do it first thing, I hurt all day. I like to walk and swim and dance and play tennis and shoot hoops, but I don’t think I do all that enough. Often we have plank contests before dinner. Moo always wins. Doing anything because it’s exercise is NOT my thing. Total turn off. So you know, great chart! 🙂

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    1. I hate yoga with a passion, but I do need to start doing some stretches every day. Between having joint pain too and seeing how tight all the muscles are with this challenge, I’m gonna add it to my to-do list…for after we get back from vacation.

      You shoot hoops?? That almost seems anti-Joey.

      And thanks 🙂

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      1. You know I live in Indiana, yeah? LOL We’ve got our very own basketball hoop cemented into the earth… It’s great cardio and good family fun 🙂

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  5. A friend of mine is the instructor at the YMCA for a thing called “Group Power” It’s basically endurance weight lifting. Lifting a little bit of weight a lot of times. He invited me along yesterday so I could see what it was about. My god I’m stiff and sore today and the boys wanted me to jump in the trampoline. I think that would have broken me. It was fun, but I like running better 🙂

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  6. Such a hilarious post!!!!! “unless my body gets one of those “lift the car off the child” adrenaline rushes, I’ll perish.” LMAO!!
    Good luck to you both on the challenge. It’s healthy to do these things, I think. Umm, or try them. If you can still walk around and life Baby Girl the day after a workout, I call it winning…

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  8. hahah i totally had this moment the other day. I’ve never had abs, or guns or any one of those overrated things. I don’t think i have ever done a squat in its entirety. And I am generally one of the laziest human beings alive. But the other day I realized that age 31 is as good as any start aiming for a heavenly bod and rock hard abs. Wrong. The ideal age for that was like 10 years ago. I did half an adjusted push-up, decided it was probably too hard on my already aching back and made myself a sandwich.

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