#ThingsKidsSay: Don’t Lose Your Top

My family and I went for an overnight stay at the Great Wolf Lodge located fairly close to where we live. If you’ve never been there, it’s an outdoorsy themed water park for kids. Most of the slides and pools and splash pads are indoors, but there are a few things outside, too, for when the weather is warmer.

I love being by the water, but I’m not as much of a fan of getting in. I can swim, but prefer hanging out by the pool or ocean most of the time for reasons. One of these reasons is that sometimes things happen when I’m in the water (whether it’s in the ocean or on a water slide), and these things cause me to have wardrobe malfunctions. It happens to everyone at some point, but I’m pretty sure I’ve had more than my fair share.

The last time I went to Great Wolf Lodge, I had a wardrobe malfunction while riding a slide with Little Man. After much begging, I got on the slide (I really dislike water slides now that I’m older), and then I proceeded to flip on the mat, take a hard hit to the head, and partially lose my bottoms and one of my boobs was well on her way to greeting the world when I got to the bottom. I righted myself, avoided eye contact with the people standing near, and stayed away from that area for the rest of our visit.

So, I have a rule now — no more water slides for me. I’ll gladly stand at the bottom and watch, but I ain’t getting on. Nope, not happening. And Little Man apparently forgot this rule yesterday when he begged me to ride a two-person water ride with him.

Channeling my inner Joey Tribbiani, I told him, “Mommy don’t ride water rides.” (I have no idea why I have to say it in Joey’s “Joey don’t share food” voice, but I do.)

Since the boy rarely takes no for an answer, he tried to change my mind. When I suggested that he find another kid to ride with, he tried to guilt me by suggesting that he could be kidnapped.

I realize after uploading this image that I gave myself a thigh gap, which I don’t have IRL, at all.

I told him I’d take that chance. He cackled and said he’d wait for his dad.

So, are y’all water slide riders? Or do you avoid them because of wardrobe malfunctions, too?

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Author: Erika

Iā€™m a SAHM to two kids. When Iā€™m not doing all the typical mom things (diapers, soccer, etc.), I like writing, reading, and playing games. Clearly I live the life of a rock star.

18 thoughts on “#ThingsKidsSay: Don’t Lose Your Top”

  1. My body turns to rubber on a water slide and I always have to scoot down to the bottom. Quite annoying and the reason why I don’t generally get into or near water anymore. The transition from dry to wet and back to dry again is frustrating and annoying. I’m the guy in the corner, under the umbrella, wearing sunglasses occasionally waving to my daughter so the ones around me don’t think I’m a perv.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL that last sentence.

      That’s part of it for me — I hate being cold after getting out and freezing while waiting to dry off, especially if I go inside somewhere air-conditioned. It’s not worth it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s the one thing they didn’t have, too. They need a parent’s section where one parent can leave the other to watch the kids and have drinks, hot tub, etc. in peace.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I presumed you’d drawn yourself wearing a dozen pairs of shorts so if the worse came to the worse and you had to go down the slide… šŸ™‚

    Like

  3. I love the water and all things water (slides, etc…) I don’t have to worry about losing my top. I know it can be a tough decision… letting the puppies loose in public or allowing your 9 year old to be kidnapped. šŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The FBI will understand, right?

      All you’ve gotta do is keep your trunks turned around right…which my husband didn’t do yesterday. A few hours into it and he’s like, “No wonder these things didn’t fit right.” šŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ha!! I’m with you on this. Actually I can barely swim, so water slides frighten me immensely. Never been on one! Husband gets to do everything water with my girls by default!
    Funnily enough, we live fairly close to Great Wolf lodge also, on the NJ side. I know so many people who’ve gone there and had a great time, but we haven’t braved it yet. I feel like I should wait until the kids are both above 5. Yes? Or maybe I just like staying home!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is enough to do there to keep kids 2 and older occupied, if they really like the water. They have a huge slide/splash pad area for the little ones. Baby Girl didn’t get into it much until later on in the day. She’s always timid around water, though, so we kinda expected that.

      Like

  5. Haven’t been to a water park in a while, but we are beach goers. A couple of years ago, I didn’t realize my tampon cord was hanging out the bottom, until my oldest daughter pointed and looked like she was about to heave. I just lol and adjusted myself šŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

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